Hey,
I’m just another 17 year old, who, like most you, found this website when I typed in “smooth passages” on incognito mode after reading about 300 pages of ‘my heart and other black holes’ in one sitting yesterday.
Am I depressed ? I’m not sure.
(I’m not even sure if I’d know cause who tf decides what depression feels like ? shouldn’t it be different for everyone ? you look it up on the internet, the signs of depression, and stuff like ‘ Increased engagement in high-risk activities ‘ comes up. I think that’s bs. )
I have a ton of people who’d call me their friend, but at the end of the day, I still feel lonely.
My parents love me, maybe sometimes so much that I feel undeserving of it all.
I turned 17 this month. wasn’t it supposed to be all glorious and fun ? I don’t know. But it sure wasn’t.
I struggle with a lot of things but I don’t think I’ve ever asked for help, not out loud. Cause in this life, I’m a fixer. A solver. I fix people, help them, be there for them. Part of me thinks this is how I am, what I was built to be. But part of me knows that I wish I had someone like me too. That maybe I help people so they wouldn’t feel the way I do.
Cause guess what ? It hurts.
1 comment
I can relate to being a fixer, someone who looks after others. and yeah, you can’t neglect yourself either. It’s the upshot of making a career out of it, you end up surrounding yourself with other fixers, people who look after other people, who end up looking after you, because you’re looking after them, it’s organic and natural. At least that’s how my current gig seems to be going.
17 wonderful and glorious? I don’t remember it being that way. I was a hot mess. I dropped out of high school after reaching the end of my patience with administration, passed my GED exam with a 99%….. so it clearly wasn’t an academics problem. 19 years and I’m still bitter, huh. But my later achievements overshadowed all that, associates degree, bachelors degree, published research.
I’ve worked with a lot of teens since, everyone is different. It’s an interesting time period, developmentally. Who you are is still in flux. Who you are going to be, still forming. I kinda despise the way most adults expect most teens to have it all figured out when…… I’ll be honest, most adults are faking it. Maybe if they were honest, teens could make a realistic plan.
But that’s me, bemoaning the problems with society’s attitudes towards development and identity. What do you think you need? Direction? explaination? maybe some help unpacking some complex feelings?
because I’ll be honest with you about pain, it’s part of the road, part of the experience. It can be lessened, dealt with, managed, but it can’t be rid of entirely or avoided. You can’t avoid problems or mistakes, not without sitting perfectly still, and that’s not living.