As I write this, I can’t help but laugh at how the title could be uplifting if written a different way. However, this post isn’t like that. I’ve come to the realization I don’t want to compete in this giant rat race called life. I don’t want to live long enough waiting for this body to decay. I just want out. I have grown to hate the mortal experience and if cursed to re-incarnate, let me come back as something unable to comprehend itself.
Life is just one big game of Monopoly where the most selfish person is the winner because no amount of sugarcoating will hide the fact… life is a one-player game! You are born a lone existence and you will die a lone existence. No matter how many family and friends surround you when you enter/exit, you are still alone.
1 comment
I don’t think life itself is automatically a rat race. Yes, in capitalist and competitive countries, it sure can look that way, but framing matters.
In the same statement, you denounce their greatest enemy, decay. So you can see how it might look at cross purposes, but the Tao teaches that paradox is an unavoidable and welcome part of all complex thought.
Most humans are a mess of contradictions. The attempt to apply a cohesive narrative is something we have been taught to do.
Also, where is too much decay? My blood pressure has been acting up lately, the latest gift from age and decay. Am I beyond repair? Doubtful, I have the issue well in hand.
The only contest is between the unseen torturer and whether you will let it break you. That’s one way of looking at it anyway. I aspire to become indomitable, I’ve been working on it.
but I have people to corrupt, that’s why I figure the world is hanging on to me so hard. It’s what I’m best at, quiet suggestions leading to questionable outcomes.
So go for the exit, if that’s your will. There are other ways to protest the competitiveness, and to try and change the world.
Everyone is a free agent, ultimately. They might have obligations, responsibilities, and people who they are attached to. Those are facts, but the grim calculus is weighing that against your pain. You’ll find there is a very specific amount of pain that will initiate a suicidal episode. It isn’t a choice at that point, having the episode.
However, if you have quiet time in between episodes, you can lock up the weapons, because that person is very upset and could hurt you. All these parts of ourselves, sometimes at cross purposes, but such is life.