Got way too scared so didn’t do it, and i feel terrible now. I feel like i should have done it already a decade ago, at least i had a partner then, but i also felt weird meeting with a guy online.
Anyway i know i have to do it really soon, I don’t know how to stop being so afraid of changes or the unknown. I don’t want to live in this world.
6 comments
I would normally try and offer you some version of encouragement, but I am running on fumes at this point. If I believed in god, I would pray for both of us, but instead I will just say this, may we both find peace somewhere down this goddamn line.
It’s normal to think in absolutist terms when you’re highly anxious or depressed, but when you say you have to do it really soon, how certain are you of that? What will happen if you don’t? Is facing whatever that is worse than facing your fear of death? And is there anything you can do to avoid or delay it, to give yourself more time? If it’s work/money stuff, are there other options you could explore? Are there any individuals or organisations you could ask for help? I only ask because it’s good to have such things settled in your mind, to be resolved in your decision.
It’s natural to be afraid of change, and of the unknown. Especially death. We have millions of years of evolved instinct telling us to run the other way.
I hope you find a way to live with less fear& pain. But I get not being able to see a way forward (or out).
How you frame it matters, saying you have to makes it scarier, makes it bigger. It’s reasonably big, but not something you have to do, if you think there’s a force that can twist your arm on this, there isn’t. Everything in this life is optional.
I have some weird mixed feelings on this one. I was okay, if you had gone, you presented it well. That’s not normal, that’s quite impressive. I’m also okay with you delaying however long you feel necessary. Injury sucks, a clean exit is desired by all of us I think.
So go, or stay, or consider the options. I’ve lived in close proximity to my own death for so long, I don’t know if any of my advice can ever be practical. non major self damage helps, pain is clarifying.
Sorry you are hurting. Whatever decision you make I hope it brings you peace eventually.
Why do you “have to”?
I don’t know, its just a strong feeling that i should not be here and just have to be dead already. I feel like I’m just a burden for everyone at this point. Can’t really explain this feeling, sorry.