How do I come up again.

A few nights ago was a disaster, I got wasted and ruined the night for my friends. I don’t want to get into details in case they’re on here (which I doubt). Just when things were starting to go well this happens, and I don’t know what to do anymore. My brain is a mess and I don’t know what to say to convince myself this time. I keep trying the new week new me format. But then it crashes. Over and over again. I do something stupid and watch it get fucked all over again.
This time I couldn’t figure out what to tell myself and convince myself to get going again. I want to be overworked, I want to feel burnt out to know what it feels like. Check out the boundary of whats possible you know? But if I keep fucking up like this I definetly can’t hope to do something like that.
Lived my whole life with people telling me I have the potential to do something, I just want to go beyond it for once. The fear that my friends will see this scares me too much to share further details on this. Maybe I’ll write this down on paper to try to figure things out. Just a random post for now. On another classic self destructive spiral. At least it’s been a while since the last one.
Need to find motivation soon, get my head on straight and grind things out. Cannot let things repeat themselves, Just can’t let that happen. Hoping to fix things soon, and get over old mistakes.
Burgerpatty.

PS. Hi Heartless Viking, hope things are going well with you.