..

getting sent off to boarding school. seems weird transferring halfway through high school.

i was planning on ctb in a year or so. before i get to college. i thought i’d keep being friendless, a bad student, emotionally distant from my family until it was time. but i did want to spend some more quality time with them. regardless how disconnected and awkward my relationship with my parents seem sometimes, i know they still care. thinking about how much it’d kill them to if i did it is the only thing stopping me right now. i was planning to give them some good memories with me, then leave. boarding school changes that, i guess. people tell me it’s a fresh start, but i don’t want one. i want to die, and i don’t want more connections that might hold me back. also if i’m across the country for a majority of the year, i can’t get in as much of that “quality time” with my family that i wanted.

i’d miss my dog