Your situation reminds me of my own…the only consolation I have is that I’m in Canada which has Maid…I’d just need to convince them that I need it, if one day I’m all out of hope or reason to live.

I played my cards wrong in life…I prioritized my pride/ego instead of focusing on money. I took a very hard program in university to just show off that I could achieve something few could…but it didn’t have any payoff at the end of it.

I realize now I should’ve gotten a business degree instead of engineering. Even if I would’ve hated my job as a manager for instance, I would’ve made a good income and that would’ve put my life on a better path.

I always knew that money was my biggest source of suffering (lack of it)…and that if I had enough, my life would’ve been better and I would’ve had my own house by now, living a fairly comfy life.

Now I’m in my 50s and it’s tough to change course…I don’t even care anymore. I resent my idiots parents for being lower income and having kids…all I knew was I missed out on a good life that others enjoyed because we never had enough money.

I was also forced into working at a young age by my dad…I mean at least I was able to cover my needs/bills…but I hated wasting my youth at a job.

Now I live with my mother and if not for her, I’d feel I had no reason to keep going. I just feel like giving up on life all the time. But she’s a trooper…despite being in her mid 70s, she just does whatever is needed to keep us going (household tasks) and never complains.

Which inspires me to be there for her and do what I need to do also (working and other things). I live in a bad place and that’s really hampering my life…but on the positive side, I’ve started looking for a new place and will hopefully move by Spring if all goes well…but it’s not set in stone.

If not for my mom, a couple of family members and my friends….I’d opt for Maid because I know my life is crap. Moving will make a big difference for me and I’m working on becoming self-employed…I have other projects I intend to work on.

But where I am now is a pretty difficult situation and it’s hard to keep going but I’m trying. I wish I was in my 30s and could do a better job in terms of career, but I can’t go back ofc….so I’m trying to make do.

I’ve given myself till my 60s to make a better life for myself…but if I’m around the same level I am today then I’ll call it quits. I don’t have a significant other (woman) in my life…and the older I get, the less chance I have of finding someone I’d like.

My life has largely been a total waste, not worth living. There should be strict rules on who gets to have kids…there should be psych evaluations and a requirement to have good incomes….anything less and the kids suffer.

But ofc we don’t live in an ‘ideal’ world…so we have to manage as best as we can. The worst is knowing my life could’ve been better if not for all the suffering I went through for no good reason and what’s worse is there was never any payoff after for everything I went through. I think that’s made me bitter and even more resentful of having been born.

I know there are billions of humans who have a bad life, but it’s cold comfort to know I’m not alone…because there are also billions who have a good life and that’s all I ever really wanted, but it seems it’s not in the cards for me…but as I said I’ll keep trying a little longer, until I’ve had enough.