what are you supposed to do when you know that death is your only option?

i feel the answer is obvious, yet something inside me refuses to believe it. i know that its mainly fear, of the action and of the unknowable consequences. i think i care too much. a lot of times, i wish that i could care less so that it may be easier to go through with it.
i believe i genuinely have nothing going for me. i am an academic failure. i lose jobs after half a year maximum. i now feel like i cant commit to finding a new job, or anything for that matter. i participated in a program for disabled people that helps with daily structure, basic education and finding jobs youre interested in through internships and so on. it only really worsened my mental state.
i attended therapy almost every week for over a year now and i havent gotten better in the slightest. im too self aware for therapy. i know what my problems are and i know how to theoretically solve them, but i am unable to. and after dealing with this for 10 years, ive come to the conclusion that i have no other option left.
for years ive known that when i die, it will be suicide. i just dont know when or how.
ive been hoping for psychosis to perhaps take over, but that also hasnt worked. all i do is get high and play games.
i feel genuinely and completely hopeless. i wish i could solve this as easily as a math equation but life isnt that simple. i really wish it was.