i’m depressed as shit , i’m alone . i’m going insane.

Torri, believe it or not I have felt what you are feeling before. I know when our hearts are destroyed we like to tell ourselves that nobody could possibly understand or know how it feels, but it’s not true. I know what it’s like to feel like you lost much much more than a person or a relationship, when all of your happiness, self esteem, and everything else goes with it.

I’m not sure of the exact details behind him getting in touch with you and what you said back to him, but anything short of him saying he regrets his decision and wants to be with you is not worth your attention. Your mind is going to try to trick you and give you all these reasons to stay in touch with him and hope he’ll come back, but the truth is, the more attention you are willing to give him now even though you’re broken up, the less reason he’ll have to ever reconsider. You might think the best thing to do is stay in touch with him and act like none of it bothers you, but all that will show him is that he dumped you, but he can still text you, can still consider you a friend, can still talk to you when he needs someone, all without having to put any effort into an actual relationship. It’s like selling something and then still getting to use it all the time. That’s not how it works. He chose to get rid of you. Don’t try to be friends. It will cause you pain.

You said it exactly right, any time of contact right now is going to qualify as “mind games” and it is going to drive you nuts. You’re gonna have to find the strength to ignore him and not let the contact continue until, like I said above, if/when he ever says he is wanting to work things out.

You will feel better eventually but honestly if this just happened it might take a really long time. I got dumped 7 months ago and I am finally starting to have hours at a time where I don’t think about her and can manage to find a few moments of enjoyment, but it is still a work in progress, I still think about her a lot and still feel like crap fairly often.

It is very hard to understand why No Contact is the best policy after a breakup. People used to tell me to do it every time I went through the end of a relationship and I always found ways to convince myself it was wrong, keep trying to hold on to some part of my exes, and just getting hurt ten times worse. Finally after multiple times of getting it wrong, I understand why no contact is for the best. It took me a long time to learn why. Talking to him once in a while or pretending there can be some sort of friendship actually will not dull the pain, it will only prolong it. You will not heal until you get plenty of time 100% away from him.

Good luck. Email me if you need to.