Who am I ?

I’m back in the same position, once again.
I thought I was finally happy. I thought that HE made me happy. But it turns out he’s just the same. Using me for the same shit all the rest did.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t like him until I knew he felt the same but once again I fucked up and gave him almost everything he wanted. I’m so stupid. I fucking hate myself. I just want to leave and go away forever. I want to be someplace new where nobody even knows my goddamn name. Or maybe I could just leave for good & forever. Then I wouldnt even have to deal with all the struggles of life. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t feel anything. I’m just numb. I don’t feel anything anymore and it scares me. I don’t want to feel like this again but just the thought of the cold sharp razor against my skin enlightens me. And I know it shouldn’t.