Feeling completely unwanted and unloved. I have nobody in my life who really cares. Not family, not really friends. Every day I go to work, and I wonder why am I still alive. Who am I bringing all this money to? Just me. Everybody I get close to, I end up losing in the end. There is like this barrier around me, keeping love away from me, even though I welcome it with open arms. My method is very easy, and could do it right now. My life has no meaning to it. I’m just here. I keep waiting for an angel to walk into my life, but it’s just not gonna happen, and I really don’t know what to do anymore. The friends I do have, they just use me. And the weird thing is, I really don’t mind. It gives me some meaning in life I guess? I’m always doing them favors and lending them money that I know full well I’m never going to see again. And I don’t care. I’m just a very generous person. I just wish I knew what it felt like to have somebody in my life who doesn’t just use me. I gotta be honest, ending it sounds better and better every day. I don’t really know why I haven’t done it already.
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I hope you never go through this but i found ut first hand that you find out who really cared when you lose it all. the money, the possessions and all that shit and i keep losing it all. For what it’s worth I’m here if you would like to talk, I could use the same myself
Your post brought me to tears. I can relate to feeling unwanted and unloved. I think many of us can, honestly. Life feels very disposable at this point. For you to be lending money with no expectations of getting it back means you have little hope for your future, which is so bloody depressing, well, it hits home on so many levels.
Bottom line…you’re not alone, though I know you feel like you are.
I second that, you aren’t alone we understand. Im starting to get really close to the edge myself, not sure how much faith is left. All we can do is talk to people on here that understand. Those friends are not helping your situation. You deserve better people in your life. People in life will take and take from you if you let them. If you are a generous person by nature donate money to some charities it will go to better use. And you will feel good for helping people who truly need it.
Dear Heartsick,
Your post made me chuckle, really.
The barrier you speak of is real, we call it the Black Velvet Curtain.
The Angel you are awaiting is already there.
Think about it, even when you are alone, the Angel is there, in the room.
You have a method, a plan, but you haven’t used it? Why not?
You are generous with others and tolerate their abuse of you.
Maybe deep down you are ready for change?
Maybe you will realize who and what you really are?
Realize what you have to give to others?
Even when you are alone, hiding behind your black curtain of depression, there is an Angel present, an Angel waiting to take charge of your life to use your determination for the benefit of others.
When does the Angel come you wonder?
It’s here, now.
It’s you.
Ask me.
I can relate to that whole ‘generous to ppl who end up taking the p**s’ thing. I’ve got a whole history of being exploited financially when psythotic or ‘manic’.
I’ve finally found a guy who gives back, with interest. I DO help him out with money, but he cooks, cleans, does the garden, is now doing my decorating, drives me to appointments, looks after me when i’m ill, cuddles and hugs me when I’m down, motivates me when I’m depressed, plays me music, lavishes affection on me and is generally an all-round star.
Some ppl in life will return what you give them a hundred fold. It’s just finding them I guess…The others are not worth your time.
Take heart, Heartsick. All is not yet lost. I hope something happens for you today that renews…even just a little…your faith in humanity.
Zx
I appreciate all the comments. I wish I could say that things are getting better, but I would be lying then. Gave out more money hoping to get some sort of love or affection back. Even some gratitude would have been nice. Oh well. My depression stems back a few months when the terrible event happened, but I don’t want to sound like a wimp looking for attention. I just don’t think I’m cut out for this world. I think I’m just a tool for everybody to use and lose. That’s the only life I’ve ever known anyway. I’m just here, my life really has no meaning. I really hope everything gets better for you guys, I wish there was something I could do to help.