Hi Everyone,
I came here as it seems to be my last hope. I have been dealing with depression for 5 years and just found out I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Manic Depression. For the first 3 years, it was pretty easy compared to everything I’m going through now. I only thought of suicide, but never attempted. Then, I started to attempt and wound up in the hospital twice from it. Well 2 months ago, my fiancee broke up with me and I was devastated. I seeked therapy and was getting hope from my ex-fiancee that we would get back together. 1 1/2 months later, I find out that she has been dating someone for a month 2 weeks after she ended it with me, and with one of my good friends for years. I couldn’t take that and decided to take all of my Bipolar medicine and depression medicine. The next day I unfortunately woke up, but couldn’t walk or talk for the whole day. I thought about it and thought I could get over it. My ex broke up with that guy the next day because she said she still loved me and couldn’t love anyone else. Well, 2 weeks later again and she’s now dating someone else. I started to take this okay, until I see pictures on Facebook of them with their arms around each other and kissing, and then seeing her change her status to “in a relationship”. She had told me that this would never happen until she was serious with someone. So I knew this was serious, and that’s something that I can’t take. She has said that there is no hope for us anymore and that we will never be together. For the whole day, I have continued to think about suicide, to the point where I grabbed all my refilled drugs and poured them onto my bed and counted them. I wanted to make sure that this time, it wouldn’t be a failed attempt. Since I can’t stop crying, I thought I would try this first before doing anything, but at this point, I don’t see how anything is going to help. I just want to be with the one I love so bad, and don’t want to live without her.
2 comments
I know what you are feeling. I was in your state of mind a year ago, and to be honest I feel as if I’ve come full circle back to it. The pain is excruciating and you want it all to stop, but just take a small second and find a better outlet than this. Mine for a while was every time I’d miss her, I’d recount everything she did that drove me up a wall and how I’m better off without. Take a breath, and a week to be with everyone else in your life. Let them know how much pain you’re in. Or maybe just spend time with them, enjoying their company. Your friends and family can help, if they aren’t complete idiots. But please don’t end it because of one idiot of a woman who would let go of someone who can care so deeply.
Don’t take the pills. It’s not going to work. Seriously. Suicide by overdose is very difficult to successfully complete. You’ll just wind up back in hospital again.
I have also been in a situation where I can’t be with someone I care deeply for. I ended up building a wall between her and I; far fewer phone calls and texts. It has helped me a little bit, but the trouble is there are times where I still yearn for her. I hope this subsides over time. As painful as it’s going to be, maybe you need to consider a similar survival strategy?
All the best.