i dont know what to do with my life anymore

I know what you mean… I’ve never cut myself deeply, mostly because I don’t want anyone to see… I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Life takes a long time to get better, especially at your age. I’m 17 and have been depressed since middle school. At my darkest moments, I told myself that I can’t end my life before I’ve really lived it. I’ve made a lot of bad choices, including drugs/alcohol, etc. But that’s not who I am. I do those things when I’m at my lowest. I can let my personality out without getting embarassed by it in that state of mind. But I also make bad decisions. I’m very self-conscious and always have been. I’m not gonna be overly optimistic and tell you that everything gets better, because time goes by slowly when you’re depressed. But I can tell you that I’ve been Baker acted and hospitalized several times in the past few years. It sucks. And when you have people step in and really talk to you, it helps. Social isolation only makes things worse. I’m going to be a senior this year, and I can’t believe how fast it’s gone by. The present becomes the past faster than you realize. Though it may seem distant, one day you will have the independence to be whoever you want to be. It sucks, but you have to live through a lot of hard times first. I hope you feel better, and I’m sure you’re not fat or ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and most people find confidence more attractive than just looks. A beautiful girl who’s unsure of herself will be overlooked in favor of an average girl with confidence. At least try to seem confident and people might treat you differently, which could actually improve your self esteem. At any rate I hope I’ve helped, and don’t let yourself become just another statistic.