I dont exactly understand how this website works, where to start, what parts I should tell. I guess it’d be easier if I just kinda wrote down all of the stupid things. But I guess I’ll start, at the beginning.
Im 12 years old. I have 3 other siblings. 2 stoners and 2 depressed sisters. Thats my family. Although I live with my dad, parents got divorced when I was 6.
It mostly started when I was 10. I mean, my mom was always yelling at someone. Mostly in arguments with her boyfriend (I lived with her at the time) Then Christmas of ’10, she had already been suspecting him of cheating on her, but this night, we sat around until 1, waiting for him to get home. He came home and told her everything, mostly. He left and she cried. I guess that was the start of her serious depression as well.
About 2  months later, I came home from my 4th grade valentines party. I made my mom a heart box full of little chocolates, I knew she wouldn’t eat them, she had dropped down to 120 lbs in 2 months. I walked in the front door, music was blaring. (I thought she was cleaning, including the fact she listened to music when she cleaned) except it was louder then usual. I walked over to the stereo and turned it down, I knocked on my moms room and opened the door. There were papers everywhere. 2 empty giant bottles of whiskey and a self-harmed mother. She had cuts running up her legs and up and down her arms. on her neck and stomach. I was so confused, I had known nothing about self-harm, I was only 10. I ran to my brothers room and waited for him to get home.
From that day on it was like I didnt have a mom anymore. She didnt clean, cook (she wasn’t eating), or care for us. She didnt care if we had taken a shower. She didnt care if we were to run away. The worst part was we could’nt tell our dad.
So like every summer, we go up  to MA to say with our grandparents. At the end of the summer break with them, we usually go to Maine for a small 2-day vacation, but we got a call saying my mom was suspected of doing drugs and stuff. We couldnt go home until a day before school started. Lalala… we were taken away from her the next month.
Stuff happened and I moved in with my dad and his horrible fiancee. I was bullied at that school, I literally had no friends. I was told I was too smart for the school, I didnt even have to be tested for the “REACH” class. (It was like for gifted kids) and they told  my dad REACH was too easy for me (What. I had late work all the time in that class) Apparently I needed to go to a private school.. (I didnt)
We moved back into the town where I lived with my mom, And I went to my old school, saw all my old friends again, but something had changed. They  weren’t my friends anymore, it seemed like they didnt want anything to do with me. After around a month of being quiet and stuff, I met this girl named Chandler. At first, I think all I wanted desperately was a friend. So there was little 5th grader me, being clingy and huggy and omg. it was bad. She told me I was annoying and to stop talking to her. I didnt stop. Good thing too, We’re best friends now. I guess Its been a year and a half, but we’re like sisters. We fight all the time, but we make up in less then 5 minutes. there are no sorrys or i didnt mean to, either. Then 6 grade came and passed. I was called a lesbian, and rumors were spread me and my friends took turns kissing each other (not true at all). Lalala..
Now this summer. Probably the worst summer, I stopped eating probably 2 months ago. Picking up anorexic eating rituals on the way, and started cutting too. Theres not a day that goes by where I bring my razor in the shower and break down. I guess you could say no one I know would suspect me of writing on this website, I mean, Im not gonna brag or anything, but I’m pretty amazing at hiding when Im sad ;D Or apparently Im always sad and people are just used to it.. who knows C:
Last month, I was caught, about to overdose.
School starts in 1 day  and im going into middle school. I failed math class last year and just about failed both of my state tests as well. Im fearing 7th grade.
I didnt write down everything, I dont wanna give away my life story. But yeah. Hope you took the time to read this. .-.
~Elephant
8 comments
Hey. I’m hoping you’ll get to read this. Well, I don’t know what any of that is like. Besides one thing. Depression. It started for me when I was 10, too. And though I don’t understand your pain, I’m going to tell you, I made it five years. I’m 15. And I know you can make it this far. At least try for me,okay? As for the self harm, it’d be hypocritical of me to tell you to stop, but make sure you’re safe about it. Try to do it in safe places, where its harder to cut an artery. And don’t go too deep. Just make it to 15. If things aren’t even a little better by then, I won’t blame you if you decide to die, or continue self harm. But I have to say, it got better for me. Now, its not much better, but its easier to live with, because I can control my emotions now. And I found someone worth living for. Thou he recently left, I’ve been just living. And I plan to die soon, but I’m living. So, I guess I’m just saying.. live for a couple more years. And don’t be a fuck up. I don’t care if you fail school, but. Don’t be gettin high on crazy shit every day. Don’t fuck up your chances. Live a bit longer. I wish you the best.
~Bethchan
im a senior in high school. its hard dont get me wrong but if you need anything feel free to email me at darkestcornersofthemind@yahoo.com
Ok hun,
It seems to me that you’re really depressed. And by judging your story about your mum, it looks as if maybe part of it ins genetic and some of it is invernment.
I’m 16, my name is Paul, and I have had a lot happen to me as well.
If you ever want to chat, email me.
It’s brl.cents@gmail.com
I’ve wanted to take my life many times, so I know your feelings.
Chat soon and please don’t hurt yourself,
Paul
I read it… you’re not alone you know…? Stay strong… and don’t be afraid take it as new experience. I know it’s hard I had to do it about a hundred times but it is worth it. Kids are going to be mean no matter what so just know that you are not what they say but what you make yourself to be. Love,
Ana
screw what those people say! There just assholes with no life. Stay strong and if you need to talk I’m here
I’ve been through middle school. My middle school was full of closet idiots and country lovers who hated anything that wasn’t country or rap. Here comes me. Rock and roll, Japan, loves the color black. Oh yeah. Guess who was the new school punching bag? That was my middle school. Worst two years of my life, I think… maybe… eh… nevermind they weren’t… But I made it though. I survived without anyone. Because I found shows i liked, Eck, right? Because I wanted to see another episode.
Anyways, I would advise in eating. Because middle school and being a little too skinny is bad. And food is awesome. It’s amazing!! Chocolate and calamari… ohhhh goodddddd… Middle school is the uncomfortable stage in life. Where everyone blames everything EVERYTHING on everyone else. The blame their unhappiness, their looks, and their everything on others. I ignored them. I don’t advise my way of survival for you. Because being by yourself and completely antisocial is horrible. Keep to your friends. Don’t be afraid to reach out. If they make fun of you, screw them.
Ew.. xD Aw. That sucks. The kids at my school like rap and pop. They wear sparkly jeans and the boys have Justin bieber hair… But I’m not the most social, either, I can’t even order myself at resturants. Which is another reason I don’t want to go to middle school…
But thanks for the help. Means a lot ;u;
hmm well you write very well for a 12 year old, so I believe you when you say you are that intelligent. So you have no excuses for failing classes lol, if the classes are to easy and its boring for you or you just have no interest in them then maybe you should go to a private school where you will find more of a challenge. That sucks about your mom but just look at how depressed you are, and try to remember that just because we get older that doesn’t always go away. So try not to blame her to much, just learn from her example realize such things run in your dna, and try to find help before it gets to that point for you. Good Luck with the school, anytime its a big change like that, new school, new town, new job, new life whatever its always gonna be scary and make you very anxious but its almost never as bad as you are afraid it will be.