I appreciate the ability to come here and vent, where I don’t have to worry about how what I say affects anyone. I don’t know anyone on here and that’s okay.  I’ve been trying to get better…I’m going to be starting school this week and while I’m pretty freaked out about it…I’m also kind of excited. I cut off all ties with my ex-boyfriend which makes me feel better about myself because I didn’t like how we were using each other for sex when there was no relationship there. I tried going to group therapy, I don’t know if you’ve ever found it helpful but it was horrid trying to open up to alot of strangers about shit that’s gone wrong that I’ve never been able to recover from. I don’t fully understand how talking about it in a room full of strangers is supposed to help, as I’ve never really tried it before, so I gave it a try and now I know. Actually I did know one person, at group therapy, and I realized I’d rather have people believe that everything is okay with me rather than open up about the truth of it all. I know group therapy is supposed to be a non judgmental environment but I can honestly say I have had no experiences of a non judgmental environment so to say it exists seems highly unlikely to me. I got a new full time job so I’m not under the thumb of the bully boss I had before…and I’ve been feeling hopeful about the future. I haven’t relapse in 6 months so maybe the worst is behind me, I don’t know…
My shit is so miniscule compared to everyone else out there including the people on this site. I don’t even deserve to feel bad about shit that’s gone wrong since it’s so minor. I’ve even been thinking of trying online dating cause someday I’d like to be normal with a husband and kids and such.