I’ve read blogs, poetry, articles, posts and responses on various forums, and it has only shown me that most people don’t have a clue about real depression or suffering. If I am fortunate enough to find a post or something that relates, it becomes swamped with messages of (non) advice that deepen the pain even further. Not all advice is awful, but I see no advice that is truly helpful. Can anyone really help anyone else? I have kept putting off suicide because I have a will to live but my life is full of such problems that  make living an unbearable existence. People say when you reach rock bottom the only way from there is up; that’s not true for everyone. I wish that I could go back to rock bottom because I still had a little hope when I was there.
Why on earth is there nowhere for us to go and seek refuge? Why is there no-one to help? There are people in place to pull the world out of recession, but there is not one place where I can go to get actual help. I have problems not a mental imbalance, I don’t need pills, I need solutions. I feel so alone it absolutely terrifies me. My ‘keeping faith’ and always having ‘hope’ has actually turned my depression into terror. For the past couple of weeks, I have not slept due to shaking with fear at the prospect that I am going to have to kill myself to release this burden and this pain. I actually still have a love for myself and a respect, I will most definitely kill myself before this world forces me to give that up too.
3 comments
“All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
All the lonely people, where do they all belong?”
~ Beatles, Eleanor Rigby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO5TRhVlUQ8
green,
i don’t know when you posted this today but i know precisely what you are feeling. i too, despite my thirst for life and despite my dignity, will have no other option but to kill myself. that is the worst way to do it in my opinion because it makes it more terrifying. like right now, i am trying so very hard to come to that peaceful place where the thought of suicide is of releasing myself as opposed to snuffing out my light or “giving up.” the pain is fucking horrible right now but it will be many days before i can carry out my method. so for right now, all i hope for is that peacefulness. i hope the same for you, no matter what you ultimately decide to do.