I haven’t been here for about a month. I’ve spent a lot of that month thinking, and getting ready to leave. This is pretty much just me saying goodbye and explaining why I choose death over life.
First of all, this is not a rash decision; I’ve planned and thought this out for months. I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m not doing this because I want to be in a better place, because there is no afterlife. I’m just going to stop being.
So I know what I’m doing. I would rather not exist than be here. I don’t want to do this anymore.
Life is meaningless. Society has made college a young person’s goal. But really, why are we working towards college? So you get a better job and you get paid more. That’s why we go to college. Money. Money runs everything. Think about it. Whatever goal you have, it involves having more money. I’ve always found that money crap doesn’t matter. I work hard, but I don’t even care if I go to college. I’ve always found that people are most important to me. But people are uncaring, unreliable, and most of them are stupid. Admit it. You don’t really care about anybody else. When someone dies, you wont be sad for them, you’ll be sad for yourself. You’ll be sad because you miss whatever they contributed to you life.
Humans contribute nothing, nor is there anything to contribute to. We are born then we die, it is a continuous cycle. What you do in life, it does not matter. Maybe it helps other humans, but they are going to die too. We all die and our experiences do not matter since they were just a mental feeling. I don’t even think we have souls. Our thoughts are chemical processes. We are just atoms made into molecules into cells into tissues into organs into systems into a body.We’re just atoms and matter. Nothing more. Even our thoughts are chemical reactions. Look it up. People would be so much less stupid if they read some science every once in a while. We are nothing. Nothing matters. Nothing in life matters at all.
RELIGION BASHING DON’T READ IF IT BOTHERS YOU
I see no point to this. We’re not here for anything. To be frank, that whole religious thing is BS. Admit it. You just believe because the idea that there is nothing after is a frightening idea. It’s just human selfishness. We’ve verified evolution, so you can’t believe in that Adam and Eve story. Which means that there was no “fall†and is no original sin. Which means that nobody needs Jesus to die on a cross for them. Plus, what the heck is with the trinity thing? They are each other, but not? You’re saying that god impregnated a teen girl with himself. If you actually read the bible and replace the words Jesus and God with some random person’s name, you will be able to see that god is a tyrannical jerk and the bible makes absolutely no sense. It’s just another book of mythology.
And if it were true, it wouldn’t be that easy. Some praying and government-enforced good behavior will not get you to heaven. It just isn’t that easy
END OF RELIGION BASHING : )
Let me remind you that this is coming from a 16 year old girl. Let not this truth be your reason to die, but your reason for life. There is no point in life, I think, but to enjoy yourself. I myself am not enjoying this, life, and yes, you all say it is going to get better, and I believe that some of it might. But there are memories and sadnesses that will always be there. I am not just some angsty teenager with too much homework. Some unpleasant things have happened in my life, and I don’t want to feel pain from those memories anymore.
I’m just tired of life. It’s pointless. I’m tired of doing what society wants. Most people are so stupid. I don’t want to deal with anyone anymore. If this makes me selfish, then so be it. I’m just so tired of being here. I don’t care. Everything is so complicated and I am lazy and don’t want to deal with it.
It’s probably better of me to leave anyway. I am a financial drain on my family and I have acquaintances, not friends, so it’s not like I have anyone to live for. I don’t really like people anyway. I can’t afford college, and according to society, if you don’t get into college, your life will be crap. Ugh, there’s no use rationalizing it. The truth is I don’t WANT to live.
So I’m leaving. Thanks to all who listened and talked to me in these past few months; I really appreciate it. Hope somebody got something out of this.
19 comments
you really cant do this. you are honestly too young to really see the value in life. so much to live. dont let the capitalist conservative christian lifestyle alienate you. there are other ways to live. see if you would die you wouldnt get to know about all kinds of societys where people dont even use money or cars (you know these things are relatively new to the human race) and where religion doesnt control ones thoughts or actions. (what the fuck is going on outside, just heard 2 more gun shots, for a total of 7 since 6.50pm) i dont even want to start naming all these different views and beliefs, i would rather you live and find out about them on your own.
Sweetie, I was there with you on every single paragraph you wrote and backed you up all of it until the point where you stated your age.
You are very intelligent and you know more then a lot of people your age care to find out about so it would really be such a sad waste. It’s hard for me to give you any arguments why you should stay here cause I share the same feelings and believes than you but I do KNOW it can get better in time. Send you hugs, Sweetie. Hope you stay.
NewDawnFades, ……. not all capitalists are christians and not all conservatives are christians.
Money or some form of payment for products or services have been around since the dawn of mankind.
We all can wish for some socialist utopia, yet its impossible to finance without someone getting paid and others stealing it through excessive taxation.
Persons definitly do not have to go to college to make money or even become multy millionaires and or multy billionaires. Bill Gates started college yet never graduated, Steve Jobs and the Wosziak fellow created the first apple computer in there garage. Humans deserve to be compensated for the level of impact/production/ideas etc, etc, etc, to the world, wealth is not a bad thing, it very inspiring to see these humans achieve the vast richs they worked for, so capitalism is the best economical egine the world has ever seen. Even the Chinese embraced capitalism, yet remain on of the worlds most evil governments on the planet.
Its awful to be broke and not have any money, living out of garbage cans and sleeping behind the SevenEleven sucks.
BehindTheSmile, have you considered joining the military ? They have great education programs to further ones self. All isn’t lost because of not going to a college, heck I know many adults that went to college for the first time in their 40’s and beyond.
caucajun, i know i was using a CCC scheme in my rant. just came to mind. and i said money AKA currency, not goods and services (which obviously everyone is aware of) currency didnt appear till around 1400-1500bc, and mankinds been around for 150,000 years… so yeah i would consider it relatively new to mankind… just saying. im probably coming off douchey. but sorry i just had to make my point.
I think capitalism is far from perfect and it’s killing this world. And even more than “socialist utopia” a revolution of mankind’s values is what this planet really needs.
We’ll just keep destroying our habitat until there are no more resources left on this planet, more people will be diagnosed severe depression cause they can’t keep up with buying what’s advertised on TV, children will keep coming back to an empty house and a microwave oven to make them dinner i since both parents are too busy making money to afford the latest technology for the entire family.
It’s all about more, more and more just for me, me me! And we all step into that treadmill unless you want to be seen as a loser or have the guts to be an outsider.
Anyway, I am not a big fan of the human race. I do prefer other animals.
haha animals. ive been vegetarian. not cause of the animals though. i still love em though. “impossible to finance without someone getting paid and others stealing it through excessive taxation.” man you really do rely on money too much. ever hear of farming? actually building your own home. “then how you gonna post on SP?” well guess what. this is the only day in months, if not years that ive been online. i dont even have a cell phone anymore. but im sure you wouldnt say “how on earth can you live without a cell phone” cause im sure you know they really havnt been around that long.
Farms are taxed on what they produce and sell, the land is taxed by the state and or counties, farms are subsidized not to grow too much of any particular food stock.
Move to Africa, Afgahnistan, Kazakistan, etc, and see how the farming thing works out for ya.
In order to farm there are essentials that goe with successfull farming and they cost money.
Sorry people if the need for cash is a sore issue with you, I have a severe shortage of the stuff, and I don’t blame capitalism for me being broke.
Every single human is a capitalist at its base form, if your a farmer even for your own food your a capitalist. The farmer invests his/her time and effort for a wishfull return on that investment. A hunter/gatherer 150,000 years ago was a capitalist, investing time and effort for a return. Earliest humans would surely have talents that others didn’t, like maybe basket weaving, the weaver might be a terrible hunter, so the two have something the other wants or needs, they make a deal/bargin/haggle and trade what each other has a Capital investment in (themselves).
i completely understand what you mean. that is how things work. i guess where i come from farming works very differently. and what youre saying sounds more like “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need” which is a socialist economics and not capitalist… you know there is a difference between family farming and capitalist farming…
dawn even subsistance farming isn’t the panacia for the world ill’s and issues, even subsistance farmers have to face the Tax man.
Family farms rely on over production past what there actual food needs are to make money for the trucks, tractors, combines, fertilizers, and seeds to start the growth and profit from the farms. Sure ther are many family farms that grow all they eat, yet they need to make a profit or they can’t afford next years seeds, fuels, and other items for the family farm.
Absolutely not, I am not a socialist with the quotes from Carl Marx that you used,
Communists use the frazes “from each accordding to his ability, to each accordding to thier needs”.
If this were a valid course of action why would anyone work at all, there is no gain for persional achivement, no compensation according to their intelectual contributipons to the world and or manufacturing or anything that smart itelligent people do that have brouth the world out of the dark ages.
Caucajun, ever saw the movie “Avatar”. Didn’t you find human “capitalist” behavior repulsive there as opposed to the natives of that beautiful land who had other values different from destroying it all to make themselves rich?
Capitalism is the only viable and realistic regimen on this planet given the nature of us animals called human beings. That being said, it is far from being a system that creates an incentive for finding any other meaning in life than making money and being measured by it.
“Earliest humans would surely have talents that others didn’t, like maybe basket weaving, the weaver might be a terrible hunter, so the two have something the other wants or needs, they make a deal/bargin/haggle and trade” mmm not very capitalist. oh and karl marx popularized the phrase, didnt coin it. haha profit. profit. you see how you keep using that word? you use it very loosely like if someone always has to gain something. and no one would work cause of achievements? cause theres no compensation? man i know i sound racist but that is such a “white” thought. not assuming you are caucasian or anything, but are you aware not everyone does things to gain personal profit. i guess you arent aware of communes and collective autonomy. or do you think gandhi was like “lets walk to get salt so that we can tax and sell it” funny cause the entire human race was once self sufficient, im sure there were those selfish few who were like “i spent all day gathering food compensate me for feeding myself.” how do you think the amish operate?
Behindthesmile, earlier in life I felt like you and then later I thought like you.
Life is as abstract as death can be.
Wow. Thanks guys. This has given me a lot to think about. I’ve kind of lost faith in society and it’s been hard to see good in the world, but I think I’ll be able put this off for a bit.
no problem. yea faith in manUNkind is hard to feel. its hard to see the good in the world. its up to you to open peoples eyes. doesnt matter what everyone sees. it matters what you see. make something of yourself so you know you arent “the same”
Just have faith in yourself. It’s about you being the good in the world that you so much want to see….Wanting to die, I believe is really saying we want to live…thrive, experience our vitality. Like a finely tuned Ferrari flying down the track…when we die, whether you believe it or not…that’s what is happening, we’re getting birthed into full life without the filters of a human/physical body.
Wow, if I were the poster of this article, I’d be downright disappointed that my final speech before ending my life turned into a political rant involving the economy, taxes, and farming.
Let’s make one thing clear, my first suicide attempt was 18 and I absolutely hated life. It didn’t get better until 34 and lasted for five or six years. They were fabulous years–not worth all the pain–but still fabulous nonetheless.
I’m not an “ager” but I have to agree with some of the other posts… 16 is way too young; hell, 18 was too young. I told my psychiatrist two years ago that I was more than likely going to kill myself. She said (quoting here) “give yourself five years; if it’s not better by then, I’ll hand you the gun.” I liked the statement… she had heard my plight, empathized, and realized that bible-thumping and “you’re too valuable to die” comments from people who hadn’t heard of you ten minutes ago, we pointless.
Five years.
21.
Legal drinking age.
Give life more of a reason to end you. Oh, and buy life insurance–after two years, you can kill yourself and your family will still collect the cash. No reason to screw them with all of your bills and funeral costs, right? (or at least you’ll be able to leave friends money–partying cash after you’ve departed).
Something to think about.
us independent thinkers are wired to look for sense in a nonsense world
Here’s a tip from the future. It might get better for awhile but it turns back to shit eventually. Doesn’t matter when you do it, now or 40 years from now. Life sucks then you die. Might as well choose when and how.