it’s time

i have been giving my advice to suicidal people all day, they have probably been thinking how would i know right? well heres my story.

my dad was put in jail when i was 7 for selling and taking drugs, robbing my neighbour while they were there and much more. he only just got released last year. i have lived my whole life with no male influence and no dad. i have had to watch my mum go through single parent pain. my dad tried killing my mum when i was younger the only thing stopping him was my younger sister she ran out crying saying daddy dont hurt mummy. this happened regulary. my mum has had 2 boyfriens since. she was engaged to one but he was an alcoholic who drank alcohol everyday and he used to sell my mums things. the second boyfriend used to hit her all the time i hate wittnessing this, my twin sister saw it one time and attacked him. my little sister calls the polie all the time but my mum lies and tells them nothing happens because she knows if she tells them that after he will hurt her again. one day after work i came home and the house was trashed there was blood on the floor and my mum was crying i asked what happened she said nothing. i knew somethi ng was wrong so i asked my younger sister who had swore to my mu tat she wouldnt tell me. i ended up getting it out of her my mums boyfriend raped my mum strangled her pich her up by the throat an threw her to the floor. when i confronted my mum she was cringing and didnt want to be touched. my poor little 9 year old sister had to watch my mum get raped and beatened. i cried after hearing it. on top of all this my nan is dying my couson just graduated yr 12 now i bearly see her, my twin hates me and i am constently bullied at school. this is the first time im letting anything out. i go on day by day pretending im alright but im not. i cant seek help cause i cant afford it. i go to school nd kids laugh at everything i do good or bad im the clown of the school. i dont have very many friends who are loyal. im ugly on top of that. all the boys go for my twin sister because shes prettier and ha bigger boobs than me. im always left out and heartbroken. the other day i walked out of class crying because i got calle a cow. the teacher threw a drum stick at me and chased me around the room.the science teacher always calls me a tree and always swear at me. im so over it tht yes sucidal thoughts go through my head. but i always fight them off. my biggest inspiration is my brave mother who went through hell. thats my story so far.