My life was perfect, I had it planned out until I was 100 yrs old. I found the perfect guy, the perfect house, I made myself the perfect person..then, he cheated on me…I moved to Canada to marry him & there I met his mistress. She was nothing like me. She was tattoo’d & brash. Terrible language, rude, un-kept. What in the world did he see in her? So, I left him, came back to America to re-start my life but there is nothing in life for me here anymore. I hate myself. I hate where I’m living, I hate the people around me. I did believe in God but now, I just don’t know. Why would God put all this on me? I did nothing wrong. I was so sweet to my ex. I was a great gf. I never lied or cheated. Now my will to live is nothing. This sadness is NOT over the ex mind you. I just hate life now. I don’t want to start over, start from scratch. Life is way too hard. I want to die and God is just laughing at me. 🙁
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I know what you mean.. To be honest. Not to offend you or anyone else.. but growing up and even now I feel like God is the Santa Clause to Mom and Dad. A figure of hope and grandeur outside of life..
But I’ve had my life completely torn apart too. I’ve completely worn my heart on my sleeve and gave 110% to be the best boyfriend, man, brother, and son that I could be.. but no matter what I get cheated on and torn in half as well…
There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t consider ending everything.. but somebody very wise once told me.. To be old and wise you must first conquer the young and stupid.. I am doing everything in my power to give that a shot first.. who knows?
You know, it’s funny because I am the last person that would ever tell someone not to kill themselves.
Everybody experiences the world differently. Perception of reality is based on a person’s experiences.
But it makes me angry that you would consider killing yourself over some guy. And I get that it’s not just the guy. It’s the chain of events that he set into motion. But let’s be honest here. This guy that shattered your psyche. He is a loser that couldn’t even be faithful to someone he claimed to love. And to make matters worse, he cheated on you with someone that was essentially trash. That’s what kind of a person he is. And you are going to give him the power to do this to you? I would say you dodged a bullet on that one.
Him cheating on you didn’t have one damn thing to do with you. It wasn’t because you weren’t pretty enough, or smart enough or whatever excuses you have come up with. He cheated on you because he was an emotionally weak scumbag.
I know it sucks that you have to start over. But he would have made you miserable. At least you found out who he was before you married him. Now you have the chance to find a real man. These types of feelings are perfectly normal after a breakup. If you still feel this way in a few months I would suggest therapy.
But I think you will be just fine. Even if it doesn’t seem that way now
I’m a suicidal christian (yeah I know) but despite everything I still have my faith. I had everything and then my life literally stopped now I’m in suspended animation. My body doesn’t work anymore I’m in a wheelchair my hands hips and spine are riddled with arthritis. My muscles have stopped working and I have total body nerve damage. I’m constantly in pain no matter what. My life is literally over at 28. I’ll never have a chance a normal life. But I’ve decided that I’ve got to learn something that’s why I’m going thru this. I want to hope there’s something else later on if I have to keep living. I can’t give up on God coz He’s all I have left. I pray he’ll take my soul in my sleep or even while I’m awake which is probably blasphemy but I haven’t given up on him. If you once had faith its harder to give up on than people realise. It’s ok to question what on earth is going wrong. It’s ok to ask why God didn’t stop him cheating. I’ve actually sworn at Him. It’s called being human. I want the pain to end, I’ve got crappy people in my life too and they lead to me self harming to make the pain externally worse but internally better, I restrict my food or binge and purge, I’m a mess and I keep asking him if he regrets ever making me. Or if he thinks he made a mistake. I think they call it the refiners fire. By the end we end up pure. Im failing but you don’t have to. Don’t let one jerk take your faith, self worth or life. It may well have been your exs test that landed you where you are and you are just an innocent bystander. That feels horrible but means its not a question of your faith or your walk with God.I guess what I’m trying to say, but not very well, is its ok to question your faith at times like this but don’t give up completely. Just like you shouldn’t give up on you. And your ex? Sounds like his taste left him after he met you. Obviously had no idea what he wants if he can go to such polar extremes.