People of the internet, I know you don’t care about me. You don’t want to know some random teenager’s problems. It doesn’t matter to you how my life took a wrong turn. But no one else will even hear me, so you’re the last thing I have to turn to.Â
And I’m sorry for that.
Nobody in my life gets it. They act like they understand, but you know they don’t. My friend, who knows everything about this, called me a whiny, self centered brat because I told her I’m considering suicide again. I don’t think she knows that just adds to why. I feel insane, like I’m the only one who understands this. I want to die because of me.Â
I want to die because of others. I can’t stand seeing all the people around me, suffering. I can’t hold any more secrets, can’t keep up the smiling facade. I want to die, because I have to die someday anyways. Because I’ll never know enough. I’m pushing my family and friends away without even realizing it.
I’ll never be good enough for the world, that’s something I’ve learned.Â
I need to get out of here, escape this city, escape this life.Â
Since that’s not happening, I’ll just keep cutting until I can see through my tears again.Â
I’m so melodramatic, it’s almost sickening, so good at hiding this, it’s disturbing.Â
I think about more than most people do.Â
That’s one thing to know about me.Â
Suicide isn’t for cowards, it’s the greatest sacrifice one has to make. It takes guts to say goodbye to everything and hello to absolutely nothing.Â
I’ve only told one person that, and like I said, she called me self centered.Â
Sorry if I am, but life is unfair.
I’m 14 years old, lonely, and I think I’m about to break.
Again.
1 comment
I am also 14 years old and, believe it or not I have felt the same way. It was about a year ago, a little over a year, actually. I had a lot of problems, and I kept them all bottled up inside. I almost overdosed on my medication, but instead I called someone just to talk. They still don’t know I was going to kill myself. I still haven’t told anyone about it, but I am doing fine.
If I had any advice, it would be to find something you love doing and stick to it. For example, I love music, so I got involved in the marching band and community theatre. I’m busy enough that I can keep my mind off things, but I’m not overly stressed.
If you want to talk, I’m here. I don’t think you’re being whiny, self-centered, OR a brat. Not at all.