I have no right to be fucked up, my life circumstances have never been that bad.  I am not even depressed, I just feel empty and without purpose. And I am at that age where finally all my dreams are supposed to become true, but I don’t feel like putting any effort in achieving them. I should be working right now, for example, instead I’m here. Maybe I just don’t care that much… to be honest, I don’t know why do I not have any motivation…
What is weird though, compared to other people I know, who have depression, is that even when I feel good, my crazy thoughts don’t seem that crazy. So, even if I don’t want to cut myself or jump in front of a passing car, or find some way to kill myself, I do understand why I want to do these things at other times, and I might even wish a bit that I was in a state where I wanted to do them, so that I could actually do them.. When it’s good is okay, but still pointless and when it’s bad it is just such a burden, so my overall attitude is that why am I supposed to have to deal with all this? If I don’t even get anything out of it…
4 comments
I know exactly how you feel. exactly. watching other people thrive and live out their dreams while you struggle to find motivation to do anything, even feeling envious of people with depression and in hard circumstances because you feel like having them would give you reason to finally end the banal walk of life. These feelings are suprisngly common. the only real truth is that you have to find motivation in something. a hobby, a goal, even just getting fit, and definately trying something new, something completely out of your original scope. I, for instance, was going to go to uni and get an art degree. I was patheticly sad and immensely unmotivated. So i thought, F&*% it, im’a be a rockstar and go to the navy.
Death is not the only option. It isn’t even an option to begin with. death is the same as changing everything, then change everything. change it for the better. chose what your actual dreams are, what you would really love to be. work out steps that get you there, and then make the first step, get a crappy job as a checkout manager and love every second of it :L
Good luck!
thanks 🙂 I get you. I’ve definitely had moments when it was the thought that I could dump everything and start over, in a new place, with new people, with new plans that kept me going. But maybe I just chickened out. Maybe it’s just that at times I still believe that I can make something out of myself in this life. I am good student with good grades and I do make ends meet after all. Even though if I sometimes go through hell for doing it. At other times though, and these are the bad moments, I realise that I did that once already. I ran away, I changed everything,and it didn’t help. The same feelings came back in different circumstances….
…Though if thats all moving a little to fast, just clean up your flat/room/garage/wherever you are, and rearrange everything. the task itself is meaningless, but it helps repair the motivation, and gives a new perspective on everything 😀
If they came back its because (cheesy part) you weren’t entirely true with yourself. Though there are plenty of things that can cause demotivation. Changing everything is certainly not the first step! you have to change the way you think, the way you act.
What could help you is a little reaserch, summin’ like ‘reasons for lack of motivation’ in google :L