i’ve got off with 2 boys. i’m no slut. but for some fucking stupid fucking reason i wanted to be. i let the second boy i kissed finger me and i was told yesterday that it was filmed. and it was light. and people have it on their phones. people have talked about me and laughed about me and bitched about what a fat slag i am. i dont know what to do. every person i see i think they’re looking at me and i dont think i can take it. who has seen it? has everyone? my best friend was killed by a train in january. i wanted to change for her. to become someone she could be proud of. instead i sit crying in my room over the life i had before i knew i was living and the life i dont know if i have now. who am i in the public eye now? but why should i care so? i sit here alone in the dark so as not to look at my fat face and fat body and fat arms and fat legs and want to die. i want to be with you katie and i wish it had been me. maybe it still can be?
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This has happened to me…. Too I wish I could say it goes away and that you can forget.. But you can’t. I was the slut that gave out free blow jobs because no one cared enough to tell her she was worth something. I still hate myself for what I’ve done but it doesn’t change the fact that I did it. :/ The thing is… Just because bad shit happens doesn’t mean we can wallow in it forever. we got to pick up and move on. We are all sharks, some nicer than others. But, if you stop swimming even for a second you’ll lose it. You’re not worthless, we care, we are the public eye and Sweetie Who Cried Wolf, We’re always here to listen.
Interesting story… All i can say is as long as it does not affect your school or work, you should not give a f about it. Cuz it wont change anything cuz the vids already out. Do you care about the public? Why? Did they care about you before this event? Fat chance for that. I had a female friend who did porn because she had no money. Now she has a decent job but sometimes her movie comes forth. And what is she to do? Nothing. She doesnt let it bother her. Thats what you must do too. What happened, that is done. Maybe you’ll be more careful next time. But dont let them see that it brings you down. Say that “did i look good? Shame that you have to look such videos to see a real girl” and so on. Cause if you end it all, they’ll have their way. While youre alive, you can fight back, or point out that its ridiculous to watch porn on phones… they should get a life.
But dont listen to me, im confused.
It’s not really clear what you did. If you got fingered by one dude–so what…if there’s a video of you pleasing two guys at the same time, however….you need to move far away. Those little shits will never respect you. It’ll always nag at you and bring you down. In other words, you are in a toxic environment and the only way to recover is to get out of that toxic environment.
It’s really sad and unfair, but it’s true. You have learned a valuable lesson though. Also, be extremely careful with people you encounter for a while. Kids are cruel and they might think it will make them more cool to keep using you as a punching bag. Really judge the motives of the people you interact with and make sure they are genuine and are respectful to you.
Also….imho you should retaliate against those who filmed you….actually you can take legal action. What they did and what they distributed is illegal, and if you are underage there can be *very steep* punishment for them. Swallow your pride and teach those miserable pieces of shit a lesson.
My two cents.