I’m ready to go…
God, if you’re listening
please take me now…
I’m too weak to do it myself.. I need help..
I’ve messed up this life enough, and I’m just done trying.
I let everyone down, and hurt the people I love most.
Save them.
End me.
Because I can’t do it.
He was right, everyone would be happy without me around.
Make me disappear.
12 comments
Please hang in there. Shit I could have written this at any time. What happened that pushed you to this juncture? Talk. Ok?
Stay strong ChildOfAbadon! I know exactly how you feel. This basically explains how I feel. I’ve been suicidal for almost a year now.. Just know that you are never alone with these feelings. There are other people out there who understand how you feel and can help you get better.
Start to finish, I’ve been a failure… I keep thinking it’ll get better, I keep clawing my way to the lip of the hole, only to find that the hole has gotten deeper while I’ve been crawling up.
The girl I love, has bipolar disorder, and wanting to be with her, and her wanting to be with me, has led to her hospitalization 3 separate times.
There’s more, but I can’t even put it into words… I have just hated myself so much, for so long, that I now even, deep down, have started hating the people who care about me, and love me, because I know they shouldn’t do either. I’ll just end up hurting them. I’m sick of being in pain, and I’m more sick of causing it… One last hurt, and they’ll never have to care about/for, or worry about me again. Worry about the next disappointment, the next arrest, the next failure, the next stupid bulls***….
They try to give me “hope” by telling me to pray… GOD HASN’T SAID S*** TO ME IN 25 YEARS…. WHY WOULD HE START NOW? No matter how much I pray, I might as well be talking to a sponge. But at least with the sponge, I would actually know it was there… Loving omnipotence my ass…
Right on. I feel ya.
So you had an assload of people negging you for mistakes here and again throughout life. You know then they have some sort of clusterfuck radar motion detector just waiting for you to fuck the fuck up. All the sudden a huge honking red and puke orange light blinks on and off on your ass and a voice comes over the loudspeaker coldly announcing: douchealert – he has done it again. FUCK UP in site. Adjust accordingly.
My sense of humor is warped but I hope you feel what I am saying.
Maybe you don’t hate yourself but the ways the people express love. Some do not know how. Like my fam says they love me and have done some of the cruelest shit in the name of love to SET ME STRAIGHT.
You are concerned about causing them more pain? How the fuck you know you have no value if you are able to give a shit about causing them pain? To me that means you are a decent person worth every damn bit as much as they are.
Pray. OMFG. Yeah right. As a non christian I do not know what the hell that shit is all about. How about believing in you. Not some religion that has not helped you to date as you recount. Oh great lets heap another failure on the kid. He aint prayin hard nuff massa.
Listen. YOu have heart. You have compassion,. Here you are taking yourself out of the equation to be one less burden to others. THE FUCK. You count my friend. Hold on and hear what they say to you. Start telling yourself the truth about you – not what they tell you.
You are playing some shit tape someone gave to you while telling you to drink the fucking kool aid. Dont drink it, man.
You hang on. Both claws. Teeth if you have to. Dont let go.
No, the problem is, they tell me I’m worth something, they try to save me, and I just fuck it all up… They believe in me, and I know they’re misplacing their faith… because I’ve made LESS THAN NOTHING out of my 25 years on this ball of shit we call Earth.
Sorry Trip, but I really do hate myself. They want the best for me, they do their damnedest, and I just end up taking a dump on the whole effort, while trying not to disappoint them… I know I’m a f***up, and I’m just sick of people giving me chances I don’t deserve. I want it over. 25 years ago, I want it over. Erase my very existence, and maybe everyone else I’ve ever met might have a chance for happiness.
If you could envision the way you want to live…how would it be if it was to be ideal
I’d have a job that I can never get now, because of my history, a house that comforted, and sheltered the love of my life, and my kids, who the former, I’ve already lost, and the latter I will never subject to my label. I would have a perfect relationship with my family, who doesn’t trust me for shit, and finally, a thousand ways to help those around me.
I’ve gotta go… thank you for trying to help, But I just can’t sit here and stare at this screen while decent people try and put my useless life together.. I know you’re trying to help, and I do appreciate the effort, I just piss people off when I’m like this, and I respect the legit people on this site too much to be pissy, and juvenile while you’re making an honest effort for me while I’m adamant about giving up..
I need to get off my ass at some point, stop being a little B***H and just figure out how to do something with my life. Because I’m sure I’ll be living it for a while, my luck is non-existent…
If you really want to leave a post, I can’t stop you, But I probably won’t get to it for a while.. sorry..
God helps those who help themselves.
If you sit around and wait for shit to happen, NOTHING will happen.
Life doesn’t get better cause you wish it would, life gets better when you fucking do something to make it better.
I will be thinking of you just the same, child….xo
lucy shut the fuck up you asshole. not everyone believes in god. I asked her a specific fantasy question. Follow the script you idiot
@ Lucy, that’s an interesting way of looking at it but if we were able to help ourselves, why would we need God at all. Plus I’m too lazy or too drunk to do anything for myself most of the time. I still can’t tie my own tie and have them all in knots hung up in my wardrobe, with the shorter end significantly longer than the other. What kind of a human am I, I tried to learn how to tie my own ties but then became bored and lost interest. I’m now going to have to find the ones you can attach around your neck with the innate elastic band. I’m going to pray that this problem resolves itself, one way or another.