I haven’t felt joy in years. I have no friends. I have no family. Nobody besides co-workers would miss me if I killed myself. I hate my life something awful.
I run or lift weights every day. I quit smoking nine months ago. I quit drinking six months ago. I get plenty of sleep every night. I got on an online dating service. I go out twice a week and try to be social. I do all right. I talk to people. They usually seem to like me fine. I’ve seen a therapist. She was nice and smart, but ineffectual. My diet is filled with healthful foods.
I have done everything someone should do to break the funk of depression. And I’ve made every step of this journey alone. I’m a 30-year-old man with a good job, a car, my own place. I’m educated, articulate and in great shape.
Yet I have no friends and I don’t enjoy anything. The last time I laughed was months ago, when our CEO made a joke in a meeting and I didn’t want to be rude.
So why don’t I do it? Why don’t I kill myself?
Clearly I’ve given my depression a chance to get away. I even tried medication a few years ago (effexor, then later provigil).
I take multivitamins, and I’m almost never sick.
Why don’t I do it?
Because the only comfort I have is that I’m nearly always right. And if I kill myself, Sam Warren from high school will have been right about me. I told him I’d never do it.
So eat it, Sam. Â You’re a god awful human being. I hope you google your own name and find THIS POST and remember saying that to me all those years ago.
Yes, I hate absolutely everything. But I’ve always been a principled guy. And I will not be wrong.
[Bit of explanation about me being always right: Nothing surprises me. I make predictions about things I know about, and I’m never wrong. E.g. Obama will win the election. Yes, it’s not very exciting. But I’m a bit of a dullard, so there you go.]
Anyway. I’m writing all this now in the hopes that somebody out there can give me a sound and reasoned way to get around this. How can I kill myself and still be right? [Spoiler alert, since I’m always right: No one will meet this criteria. However, a few small-minded people will attempt to answer. They’ll use poor grammar and rely on trite phrasings. This said, I hope I’m wrong.]
Thanks all.
23 comments
I’m bookmarking this page so I can come back, after Obama loses the election, and write a witty reply.
Why do you have to kill yourself? get someone else to do it, walk down enough dark alleyways nd ull find someone with a knife. shit like that happens so much no one would even blink
@orangish If you can’t be witty now, what makes you think you’ll be able to after the election (whichever way it goes)? All the same, I hope you can and do. That said, we both know you won’t. Good luck anyway. May you betray everyone’s expectations.
@Procel I hear what you’re saying, but purposefully putting myself in harm’s way is the same as suicide. I know it; and Sam knows it.
@YouSuck .
@orangish ?
Efficiency of words. Never spend an hour writing a comeback when a period will suffice.
@orangish When you can’t make a point, make a dot.
@YouSuck: When you have no point, don’t bother communicating. You already did, so any advice I might give you is wasted.
Efficiency of words. YouSuck [.]
Sums it all up nicely.
@orangish Oh, you’re telling me that I suck? Ok. Well, thank you. It doesn’t get us anywhere. But I do appreciate your time and effort.
No, I’m telling you, “.”
@orangish I thought it was a play on my username. I still appreciate your time and effort, though. You’ve really taken a lot of time out to communicate your thoughts with me, and I want you to know that work like that doesn’t escape my attention. Again, it’s not particularly useful. But it’s not unnoticed.
change your name to sam warren. that way, when you kill yourself, sam warren will be right – and since you are also sam warren, you will be right, too.
does that answer your question? i didn’t read properly what you wrote above, so i don’t know exactly what you were asking for. if you need another question answering, please ask it and i will once again give you the solution.
@ob1 I like the outside-the-box thinking. But wouldn’t changing my name be killing myself?
i would wager that your real name is not Mr You Suck, yet you are still alive. therefore, we can conclude that name changing is not always fatal.
@ob1 What I was trying to say is that, if I changed my name to Sam Warren, the person with my real name wouldn’t exist, right? I mean, if it follows that changing my name to Sam Warren means assuming correctness for his past predictions, then aren’t there consequences going the other way as well?
“””
However, a few small-minded people will attempt to answer. They’ll use poor grammar and rely on trite phrasings. This said, I hope I’m wrong.
“””
I’m not a natural english speaker. That hurted me… (and yup! You’re right) XD
Also stop drinking and smoking seems so sad :/ why did you do that?
Find Sam Warren and kill him…..J/k
yousuck, i think you have identified a major flaw in my otherwise brilliant plan.
Ill bet you’re wrong about a lot of things. For example, you completely failed to understand oranges comment.
@mimito Nice!
@ one_day Did I? Maybe you and I have different meanings for the word “completely.”
Having a different perspective on “completely” than others, would eliminate the possibility of someone always being right, since it would become a matter of perception or opinion therefore lacking objectivity, which is a main element and determining factor of being “right”. This fact out rules your theory.
You are not only wrong about the people on this site being “small-minded”, but you’re proving to be small-minded yourself, since anyone with a relatively normal common sense would not generalize the capacity of intellect of the hundreds of people from all over the world that visit this site, and unify it in one single category. English is my second language and even though my grammar may not be perfect, it is far from being poor given that fact.
Your name itself is quite wrong as it implies the premise that everyone sucks, which would not be accurate an accurate statement according to the majority of people.
Finally, I don’t understand why you give such relevance to Sam Warren’s existence and it’s not clear if it’s reciprocal. Still I won’t judge it. But being a “principled” guy and not being wrong bear no relation whatsoever. In fact, quite the contrary, since a principled person will be sensible enough to accept mistakes as a part of being human and above all will embody qualities such as humbleness and nobility which are essential to the ” moral” concept itself. You seem to lack these qualities.
If Sam Warren ever found this post, he’d feel so “flattered” and “right” that weather you killed yourself or not would probably turn irrelevant since the intention would outweigh the reality.
Anyway, I wish you luck. It’s not much of a good reason to live, the need to always be “right” but I may be wrong since it’s so right for you.
@Black Swan What I said to one_day was facetious. And it has nothing to do with perspective.
How does my user name imply that premise? You’ve made a logical fallacy. I use it because it’s how I feel about myself. But as far as I know there is no criteria laid out for how to select username or what its implications are. If there are some, please point me in that direction.
Also: Being principled means adhering to a set of principles. It does not allude to which principles. Someone living by the principles of, say, Taoism will have different principles than someone adhering to the principles of, say, Islam. This does not mean either one is unprincipled. My principles may be different from yours, but that does make me unprincipled.
What’s more: I wish you would not speak for Sam Warren as you do not know him. I do not think you are in any position to judge his reaction(s).
I thank you for taking the time to write this, but it has not helped.
@YouSuck, I didn’t find your comment to one_day humorous, so even then this remains a matter of perspective. As I sated before, every opinion can be valid and the fact that multiple choices do exist, destroys the principal of objectivity in certain cases and therefore the possibility of an absolute “right” or ‘wrong”.
I did use your user name to exaggerate the point on you being “wrong” out of… let’s call it, “spite”, since I took some of the words you wrote as an offense to everyone on this site. I could only speculate and gather that you’d be the last person that would “suck”, since all of us here were so “inadequate” according to you. It’s really strange to me that you picked “YouSuck” instead of “ISuck” but I won’t argue with you in that department since only you know the truth and your own motivations and I can’t pretend to know you but only draw conclusions as a mere quick observer.
Here is the definition of the word “principled” according to the thesaurus dictionary: http://thesaurus.com/browse/principled
Not much to argue about that since the sense of someone being honest, noble, humane, virtuous… is pretty much the same for anyone of any religion unless you want to generalize certain exceptions or extremes. I accept that you may have different values, but since this seems to be a matter of semantics, I would just stick to what the dictionary says. Perhaps a different word could express in a more accurate fashion what you want to say about yourself.
At this point I want to apologize if my defense or “offense” mechanism is/was greater than my will to help. The truth is that I have a big problem with those who seem to consider themselves “superior” so I will use their words to prey on them. I’m sorry If I failed to fully understand your predicament. Perhaps your attitude doesn’t help you in your desire of making friends? You have everything else going for you so this could be the case. I can see that you could be a perfectionist and being one can really hurt and lead to constant dissatisfaction. It’s almost impossible to be happy on these self-imposed terms.
And finally, who cares if you’re wrong or right as long as you’re loved. Think about it. What’s more important to you? When being right becomes your main goal, people will leave you literally alone. You may feel like you won but in the end you’ve just lost. I do wish you to overcome the current situation and in fact I am sure that you will. I hope that you surpass Sam Warren’s expectations and get to prove yourself right by being happy.