I realized the other day that when suicide is the only thing on my mind and I am planning everything out, I become happy. Then I give life another go and instant depression. Its weird and annoying to be honest.
But I think the cause of this is a mental disorder (I think I’m bipolar). I haven’t been to a doctor to find out because they will push me on to some drug that I don’t want to go onto because I feel it makes me a fake person. Even if it helps, fuck that. From my experience when someone goes off their anti-depressants they get withdrawals and get SUPER suicidal. If I go onto drugs to sort it out and stop I will end my life, guaranteed. I live on the 8th floor of an apartment building and I am an impulsive person, so yea. I don’t want to kill myself, I want to live but sometimes it just so fucking hard to maintain happiness without death on my mind.
I dunno, I started playing football (soccer, for all you americans reading this 😉 ) and its a good release. It gets my mind off of things and makes me feel good (gotta love them endorphins) but its only a shirt solution, I need something more sustainable and frequent.
Any advice??
4 comments
You sound just like me. Everything will be okay man, I promise.
You and me both; these violent delights have violent ends.
I suppose trying to be a more calm and collected person might be worth a shot, i havent been able to pull it off but gl to you sir.
Move to a frist apartment ang get some med’s. No shame if your bipolar. Talk to your dr.
Move to a frist apartment ang get some med’s. No shame if your bipolar. Talk to your dr.