i dont know what to do

The advice on this site is bad, it really is. Especially when you read some of the things people say on other posts it’s as if no thought has gone into the repercussions, an inability to place assess a situation by seeing life through the posters eyes:

To Softy:

Whether or not getting married was a good idea is probably a little late in the day to be thinking about.

I don’t suppose you have thought about having children. If their comes a time when you think having children will repair your marriage, it won’t and that thought should be dispelled. There are many reasons for and against having children but rejuvenating a marriage is not one of them. Your parents want you to have children for themselves so that they can have grandchildren.

It is vary rare that the feelings people have for one another at the beginning of a marriage or even relationship remain the same throughout. The divorce rates show that a lot of marriages fail. In other countries it’s a lot easier to get divorced but in any event you have stated that that is not under consideration so we will abandon that as a solution at this stage. I actually don’t think you have grounds for a divorce unless your husband is being abusive or has committed adultery etc.

You can’t force your husband to feel the same way about you as you do for him. You can however gain some independence by continuing with your education. India is fairly modern these days, you will be surprised. The women there can have more freedom than in the west in certain parts. They drink, go out, do normal stuff. You need to become preoccupied with things outside your marriage and build up a social network with friends, people on your course, work colleagues and family members. Forget the mother-in-law, they only care about who’s going to wipe their arse in old age. Remember, she needs you more than you need her.

Although it is easier for men to remarry, it’s not going to look good on your husband if you get a divorce so I’m sure that’s not what he wants either. It will cause major problems for his family.

Continue with your education at all costs. Explain that it will mean a better job, more money and will enable you to help the family in the long term.

Whilst you study, try and make friends. Go out and enjoy yourself. Treat yourself by taking care of your appearance. Nice clothes and a bit of retail therapy can help your self confidence. Once your husband sees that your different, more independent he might not take you for granted.

It’s great that your family are supportive. Continue to confide in them.

If you can’t rejuvenate the marriage then that’s just something you have to accept for the time being. Understand that your not to blame and that it’s your husbands fault for not making the effort. Some guys are just not very good.

There are lots of Indian matrimonial sites with divorcees. I don’t know the success rates but if things don’t work out it doesn’t necessarily mean your going to be alone forever. Even if you are, that’s only accentuated by the environment you are in. If your family support you then they must see the benefit in allowing you to explore the world on your own which is why it’s important to obtain the skills that will keep your options open.

Well, I don’t know your husband so I can only base my opinion on logic. I’ve seen the worst in the world and the extent of peoples deception and ability to manipulate others really doesn’t surprise me. I hope that’s not what your husbands like but if he is then don’t allow yourself to become oppressed.