About 4 weeks ago my dad was in a boat crash. He has been in the trauma ICU since then. He shouldn’t be alive. His wind pipe was severed and he should have drown on his own blood before he even made it to the hospital. I go and see him everyday and he’s always in so much pain. I wish it was me laying there in god awful pain. Today he was in so much pain that he started to cry. With a face that will never leave my brain. I started cutting about a week after the accident. My grades are dropping due to stress and I don’t want to do anything anymore. He had to get a trache tube. If its not reversible, then he will never be able to talk or swallow again. I feel like the crash was my fault because he asked me if I wanted to go. I said no. When we went on boat trips I was always the look out. I feel like the crash could have been avoided if I was there. I don’t want to die……but I do. The problem is, my family. If I died my family would suffer and my dad would lose his reason to keep fighting. I’m the youngest in my family. I’m their baby. I’m only 13. Far too young to die.
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I’m so sorry for you and your father. It wasn’t your fault. Everything happens for a reason. I have currently been having suicidal thoughts and I’m trying to push through. The point is is that yes you are too young to die. You are beautiful, I can tell, I’m not just saying that. Your family needs you, if one of them killed themselves, how would you feel? Please please do not leave this world. I have hope, you need hope for your father. Have a little faith Drae. Everything gets better, maybe not right now, but it will. TRUST ME.
Just remember that there is always someone out there who is going through worse than you, me anybody. Have hope and faith. You were meant to be on this world. Enjoy your life ahead of you so many descision a and choices. Don’t take anything for granted. Accept what you’ve been given. Your mom would deeply miss you I am sure. Your father can pull through okay, have hope for him. It’s not your fault that he got in that accident, and I know he wouldn’t want you thinking that it was all ur fault, that would make him die inside. Your his little girl, you can do no wrong through his eyes. It’s not your fault.
Find something that you’ve a deep passion for. I believe in you Drae. You can do this, don’t look at challenges, run over them. Just breathe, seriously take a deep breathe, and relax. I know this is very heard for you and I feel deep remorse for your father, that’s terrible. But you have to stay STRONGER, do NOT GIVE UP. You are loved by someone whether you know it or not.
Live for yourself too honey, even if you’re not satisfied with yourself. it’s your life not anyone else’s and I wish your family well.