Sometimes it’s ecstasy. Â Trying to sleep, thinking colors and music all blending so loud, I’m afraid my brain noise will wake up my husband. Most of the time, though, it feels like a struggle to breathe. Â Each respiration is an affirmation of life, and I become less and less willing to affirm this life, terrible gift, that was bestowed on me. Since I fell into these moods at 11, the age of 30 seems like a nice round number with no regrets. Â Right now, deep in the darkness, I count the days until then. Â Less than three years til that birthday, just waiting for this cosmic headache to end.
7 comments
7 comments
At least you have a husband some of us are totally alone how can you want to die when you get to crawl into bed with someone at night. Try being utterly alone every day
You’re wrong in saying that ThousandCuts. Just because your main issue is loneliness, it doesn’t give you the right to discredit what others feel. Some people are depressed because they have health problems and can’t leave the house. Are you physically disabled? I’m sure they’d ask you why are you depressed when you have a healthy body. Everyone has their reasons.
How can you want to die when you have a bed or even room to be alone in?
Tons of people don’t.
Don’t invalidate the reasons of others.
Both situations can be good or bad, ThousandCuts.
It depends on us and our nervous systems, memories, values, biological drives, etc.
I’m sorry that you feel so alone. That can suck.
However, you’re not the only one who feels pain, even if I personally can relate to what you’re saying.
By the way, the best way to not be lonely is to make friends. The best way to make friends is to offer a listening ear, to smile and say hello. Not by being resentful that no one approaches you. Crying alone will inevitably result in.. more crying, alone.
But is it ethical for a suicidal person to make friends:
1. Is it absolutely required?
2. Should it be totally avoided?
3. Should one issue one’s prospective friends a warning?
Some Random Man,
You’re so right its hard enough to commit suicide without the worrying factor about how it will affect to ones you leave behind. That’s a problem for me.
me also, I know it will devastate my mom and my dogs.