losing myself

I just wrote in here a few time before. I just recently was dealt a huge blow my husband asked for a divorce bc he didnt feel like our relationship was going anywhere positive. I packed all my stuff n he helped and moved back home. It’s been a week, today is my birthday. He didn’t even bother to call or text. I’m hurt. I am so upset. I’m trying to stay positive but the hurt the loneliness its killing me inside. I hate that I miss n want him but I can’t help my feelings. I also hate him for not reaching out to me today. He said he’d always be there and he’s my friend but he’s not there. I feel betrayed. All his lies continue even after we separated. I don’t know how much more my heart can handle. I just want to die. Just to be numb. I hate the way I feel. I try to talk to my friends but its not like they can do much for me everyone has their own problems n issues going on. Last thing they need is to be bothered by me. I just wish I could feel numb. Not care what my ex is doing. I don’t want to care or feel anymore.