I am not suicidal. My bestfriend of 15 years killed herself  December of 2012.
I do not share my story often. Alissa was a very happy go lucky girl. Hardly ever a tear in her eye. No one ever saw it coming. It’s almost been a year and it’s still very hard for me to cope with. I think “what if I wasn’t there as much as I should’ve been?” or “maybe it was my fault or something I said or did?” Sometimes I feel like I told her too much of my problems that she had extra stress on her back that she didn’t need. People often say that suicide is easy to see, but truth is.. with a serious suicidal person it’s not at all. They are smart with every word and move they make. A few months after Alissa passed away I became very angry at everyone. I lost many of my friends and my family is hardly ever around. It’s the worse feeling.
It’s been almost a year now and I still haven’t gotten help or talked to any professional about it. I have depression and anxiety pills though. They help a little bit. I have also looked a lot into suicide, and it’s a very serious things. So to all of you who are thinking about it or attempting it. Please just stop and think… “Without your presence someone else’s life will not be complete.” <– I promise you that. People never realize how much they care about a person until they are gone. So if you think no one is there for you or you think no one cares about you. Just remember people just don’t realize it yet. But eventually they will and it will be the best feeling ever. I can’t say I’m perfect or never had a thought of suicide because I have. Especially because my bestfriend had the guts to do it, why can’t I?
2 comments
Talk to a councillor. Will help you. You feel guilty about it.? Don’t like you said people who plan to kill them self’s keep it to them self’s. Understand it’s not your fault. You talk to professional about it.
I thought about going to someone plenty of times. But just don’t have the time nor money to do so. I talk to people about it but act like I’m totally okay with everything. I hide that it hurts. Which is not a good thing.