How do I deal with how I feel?

The thing is I don’t like talking to anyone about how i feel when it comes to depression and self harming. I don’t want to seem weak and vulnerable especially to m y friends who view me as this loud bright bubbly person. But 2 weeks ago i was drunk and things spiralled out of control, i shoved my friend over and then in the heat of the moment went upstairs raided her cabinet for a razor and begin to cut at my wrist. My friends found me lying down laughing to myself with blood around me. I then began to hysterically laugh and then hysterically cry and sob. They cleaned up the blood and we never spoke about it again, im ashamed but i know they want me to do something about this, i just don’t know what. I’m scared to go to a counsellor or doctor but their right, something needs to be done.