well where do i start i feel like im nothing get pushed around by everyone…even the ones i called my “close friends”. I dont understand what i did to get treated like this. I mean they all walk over me like nothing knowing that i have severe depression since i was eleven. The fact that i only know that the only person i can now count on is my boyfriend… Sadly hes to far to hold me when i cry. The fact that i cry my self to sleep every night wondering why im still here. It hurts getting treated like this i know im not alone on this either but i swear its so hard to keep up with all this bull shit. I try my best to be happy but no matter what i do im always sad unless im with him. i cant stand getting treated like this any longer they just drive me insane and put down the little confidence i have in myself. I often wonder why i still bother to help them when all they do is treat me so poorly. Answer is cause im to close and feel so alone to lose my friends or whatever they are anyways. i have no brothers or sisters so this makes it harder…
34 comments
34 comments
Since you were eleven… how old are you now? I know how you feel, i used to be like that but cut everyone off that was a prick and just stuck to my “close friends” I found the more confidence i had around a smaller group of people the closer i felt to them and the more i could trust them. Dunno if that is an option for you. What kind of situation you in (Work, Uni, School etc…)?
Where is your boyfriend that you can’t hold you? Is there nobody else, parents or anything? not that i would ever turn to mine but some people do.
Now i don’t know you but i’m guessing, like most folk, you haven’t done anything to be treated like a piece of shite oan the sole of your shoe but you get folk like that, unfortunately thats the way off life.
All this probably doesn’t help and tell me to jump on my bike if you like but maybe a bit of conversation would make you feel better? after all a problem shared is apparently a problem halved!
i am a junior in high school and im 16. He lives a few hours away and since i cant drive yet its hard to see him, im just glad that i can call him when i cry or feel down but i feel like i weigh him down sometimes.its pretty hard when one day there all nice and stuff and the next there complete dicks to you yelling at you i mean really a guy yelling at a girl? it makes me so mad. Well my parents i trust them but i have a hard time telling them how i feel cause im afriad i will hurt them or something. they caught me cutting a couple times before took me to counciling but it didnt really worl neither did the meds it just made it worse. i lost all the ones i was close with now im left with just my boyfriend it really sucks. i would really appreciate if we could talk its better leaving it out then bottling it up
I know what you mean, sometimes the best thing in a situation is still bad. I hang around with a bunch of people I really dislike, but I have no alternative. I understand, it’s horrible I can’t stand it.
yeah, and thats what i basically am feeling for all my “friends” now i am really starting to dislike them . they seem not to care any more, i seriously just feel like an outsider
I completely understand how you feel black rose. I moved house when i was 17 a couple of hours from home and lost contact with all my friends! it was hellish i was so lonely and didn’t know where to turn! ended up cutting and have been ever since. I don’t know what your school is like but i mind when i was at school there were a few groups and you just had to keep mingling until you found a group of folk you can kick about with without them being arse holes!
Women shouldn’t have to put up wi guys shouting and being abusive to them! it’s out of order. I hope it isn’t a regular occurrence this prick yellin at you?!
Thats how i feel right now, alone. but yet again ive always felt like this ive never really got close with family cause well my fam doesnt really get along so great . when i cut it makes me feel better but now with my boyfriend he helps me he doesnt yell or get mad like all my other friends did. sometimes i get the urge to cut but i cant risk hurting the one person that cares for me. My school is just under 80 students rpetty small where every body knows everyines life storis…or so they say i have not really choices of who to hang out with besides a few but i cant stand them sometimes.
my so called “best friend” was like my sister but she turned on me and her boyfriend is the one that would yell at me. him and i use2d to be close as well but shit happens i gues you could say they changed for worse for each other when they talk smack about each other. i hate it i tell my biyfriend an he wants to beat him but im to scared itll just make things worse its just so stressfull and depressing
I know, I hate being an outsider, I prefer being alone on my own than alone but surrounded by people.
same here, i cant really go out neither im stuck at home all day basically with no one to talk to but my boyfriend and one person i can truly call my friend but shes always busy its hard to find someone that listens and understands now a days.
Yeh most nights i’m on my own in my room. With only a couple of true friends, one who is engaged and the other in a serious relationship and by the sounds of it about to be engaged so are both always busy! That’s why we use forums like this i suppose.
Black Rose have you tried to confide in this friend of yours? Maybe if you speak to them they will be able to spend more time with you?? I know my friends did try to keep me busy at my worst time!
they wont ive tried. i get so upset.sometimes i just wanna breakdown cry my heart out but its not an option till i got to bed. i hate keeping in all this sadness ik feel like im drowning in my own feelings
I know, I know. Your still young though and if you can control these feelings it will do you good for the future! I have a friend who has moved across the pond to texas for a year so speak to her on over facebook. It’s the only reason i use facebook. but i find it easier to tell her stuff seen as it is all in messages. Maybe you can try that?? Don’t be afraid to cry when your in bed at night it’s not a weakness and it can help you release your emotions! Are you getting any professional help at all?
i used to go i hopes it would help but turns out it doesnt, i get tired of oh how are you feeling why do you feel what you do etc. it makes me mad they didnt help me at all so i just stopped going all togther and stopped taking my medication. i know its not the best idea but it made my feelings worse everyday i just felt helpless then i did before and i can never find they key as to why i am the way i am or how to get the counsler to understand that she doesnt help
I’m jealous, I stay at home all day and live my life, but there is no one person I can count who is physically there for me. I never had anyone in my life when I needed it. That fucked me up quite a bit I think. Understanding is a big problem, you have to go through this to understand.
i know, i wish it was to where you can actually understand instead of just judging and bully and shit like that. Sometimes i just feel like punching people in the face to let things out caus eof all the fucked up emotions stuck inside of me but i know i shoiuldnt or itll just make it worse.
If you need someone to talk too ill be glad to ill listen and try my best to help but only if you want me to
Black Rose – Ken it does my tits in that whole “how are you today”… how am i?? Hunky fuckin dory! thats why i’m sittin in this bastard chair! and everything you seem to say is “interesting” to them. still you get no answers though! I think some of these councillors just sit and wait till you bring stuff up yourself before they can catch onto something and go into more depth with it! My aunt did her dissertation at uni on the effects of exercise on depression, apparently a regular regime can really help. I haven’t tried it cause i haven’t had the motivation, but apparently it helps!
i just hate going there i have motivation just hard when they seriously dont help at all just lisetn and say oh this is bad stuff like that its pretty annoying.
See that guy you said kept shouting and yelling at you! You think you could take him?! Burst his nose then give him a quick in the balls from Boots! Thinking of all the wankers out there just does ma tits in! If i had a quid for every prick that ever spoke to me like a piece of shit, well i’d have enough to buy them as my slave burst there balls out there working for me all day!
that just made me laugh lol. but yeah i would and ive slapped him before but i know for a fact hell hit back and i dont feel like getting punched by somebody like him/:
VH – No need to be jealous! t’s not all that great when you know there are people there they are just too busy to see you night after night, week after week!
Yeah sure I’m fine with the idea of talking, I talk to quite a few people I’ve met on here, I wouldn’t mind adding another person to that if you want. Ha yeah, there are some things that would really help, but also they’d really be bad too.
Any chance you have a Facebook? It’d be .easier to talk
@Boots But it’s better than nothing right?
Black Rose – They are always on about “this must be difficult for you”… You think Mrs University graduated meantal health doctor?! christ nothing gets past you darlin! They so many shite questions. Go for it just smack the prick, none of this lady slapping i mean a left jab to get him of guard then a lennox lewis right hook! knock the bastard right down! Then when hes on the floor the boot in the balls from me!
I hate these guys that abuse the girls / women and think they can cause they are cooler or whatever! I assume this boy is around 16 like you? trust me from experience he has his own problems to deal with, just catch him out with a hard on in class and point it humiliating him. Trust me he will get plenty of the all day, what wi puberty and shit!
-V.H. – It’s better than nothing… Every night you get a text saying “sorry bud made plans wi the bird eh!” does my napper in! I used to be out every weekend getting pure melted with them but now they are always to busy so don’t get to see them a much, i end up with a bottle of vodka and a shot glass and work my way through it alone on those weekends. So yeh you have people, and they do give you hope but if you have ever seen the Shawshank Redmption … Hope can hold you prisoner, it can make you go insane is what hope can do.
I know i slightly digressed but what i mean is yeah it’s good to have friends but when they let you down and you crushed to more lonely nights alone.
I know Black Rose is a junior in high school (not sure what that grade would be over here in Scotland – aged 16 so you would be sitting your Standard Grade exams this year) but what about you V.H.
Hope is an utterly hopeless emotion for me to have I learned. I’m 16, and in England, I sat my GCSEs last year and I’m in college this year, I’m 17 this month.
You thinking you will stick on for you A-Levels or whatever the next one is? Have you thought about leaving school and goin for an apprenticeship? not that they are easy to find these days? It’s just then you might be able to meet new friends, better friends?
17 is still young, driving! Bevvyin next year then! Just wait till your 21 just finished a balls breakin degree and starting working with a firm of chartered surveyors! Your mind can’t take it anymore and just shuts down in the evenings leaving you with your most dangerous enemy, your bloody own conciounce.
Black Rose it goes the same for you. Your still young so do what you to have a good time now, even though your friends do seem to be knobs and this boyfriend of your pals seems like an arse hole, your still young and have a lot of ball breakin to do in the future so can’t give up yet or you miss all the F.U.N!! 🙂
I know I try my best to keep up my grades and stiff and well there are little things that make me happy sadly Ni ones really there to do them with me
@Black rose Nah don’t have Facebook, there are too many people I hate on there. I have twitter (but I was thinking of closing it) and I can email. That’s all sorry.
email me its on my info if youd like to talk abolut anything
@Boots6 I know, I try and keep my grades up, and I seem to be able to. I thought about an apprenticeship, but I’d rather go in education still while it’s free because of my age.
Do you mean your bio? I’m not seeing anything there?
its my email address under my name
i think
Oh I don’t see that because its your post, not mine, I’ll go check mine…
Emailed you.