This is the first time I have ever written on this so I hope I am doing this right. I just cut myself again. I haven’t done it in so long but right now I just hate myself so much. I love to watch crimson red blood pour out of my porcelain skin. It calms me down. It is a simple motion that I would much rather face than my complicated life. I told myself I would stop but my razor just keeps calling me back. I can’t picture myself ever really stopping. I give major props to the people who have and I wish I had the strength to do so too. But right now cutting is the only thing that is keeping me alive. I wonder how long it will last though. I fear that soon even cutting won’t cease the crashing wave of pain I feel inside me all the time. Crimson tides won’t be enough anymore, that is my deepest fear.
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I hear you, and I wish I had an answer. This is a hard world for a good and loving real soul to survive in. I know the pain. I’ve lived the pain. You can get beyond it, but it’s up to you whether you want to or not.
But how can I get beyond it when it is all I think about?