feeling like a burden, mind goes on meltdown

Hi. I’ve been having a difficult time with school. Im trapped with too much on my plate and feeling shame for being a “failure”. A number of times I’ve become suicidal this year. I know this is the worst sin yet but I have panic attacks and my mind goes on meltdown. Praying has helped when the panic attacks aren’t there. Otherwise i rely on benzos to calm me down which aren’t helpful for studying. Ive been trying to get medical help but I’ve been stuck in this Kafkaesque bureaucratic situation. Anyway, Im at a point where I sleep through the entire weekend and something just has to give. I am trying another doctor soon. I’ve prayed to Mary to bring me an answer when i was praying the Rosary and what I feltwas her reply was that it is inside of me. And this makes sense as I’ve always dealt with anxiety and depression but especially anxiety since high school. The worst is that i want to help others but school is so time consuming. I dont know what I was thinking taking a full course loa.d with ADD Thank you all .. Michele