I’ve been struggling with depression for a very long time. Â Recently I started to think more about suicide than I ever have before. Â It is almost an ceaseless obsession. Â I don’t have any desire to do it, I just can’t shake the thoughts. Â I felt so unusual, and have not dared to express any of these thoughts out loud. Â I started researching suicide more… usually when I get fixated on something I try to learn as much as I can about it. Â The more understanding I have the more control I feel I have over whatever it is.
From reading this site, and reading a collection of suicide notes I found on another– I don’t feel like I am alone, or unusual. Â It might not be a good thing to share–to have a common ground of suicidal ideologies .. but it gives me a feeling of normalcy. Â And I needed that.
I enjoy writing, I may start coming here more often. Â It would be nice to feel understood.
2 comments
Hello Wormwood,
Trust me…as unique as you might be…there are unfortunately way too many others feeling almost exactly what you are. I understand the fascination with death and suicide…and I pray for your sake that it never progresses past the ideations. Myself…I have suffered severe depression since…ooohhh…always. I have also attempted and failed 7 times. So yeah I get it. But take a page from my book would ya?…hahaha….don’t waste your time trying to escape through death…apparently it is a reward that we must earn…I dunno
You are not alone…unfortunately. But you are welcome to come and share your misery with like minded individuals anytime you wish…we’re here….hahaha
Gonna bore you with a quote now…are you ready?
“The condition of alienation, of being asleep, of being unconscious, of being out of one’s mind, is the condition of the normal man. Society highly values it’s normal man. It educates children to lose themselves and to become absurd, and thus to be normal. Normal men have killed perhaps 100,000,000 of their fellow normal men in the last fifty years.”
R.D. Laing (1989)
Who wants to be normal? Not me
Peace
Amakua
even if you were the only one feeling this way, just do you. never let people tell you what to do/feel.