I’m not sure why people here keep telling me things like, “Be kind without expecting anything.” You can be kind to strangers without expecting anything but I think that friendship is ALL ABOUT expecting something from the other person. You are there for them and you expect them to be there for you when you need it. If that’s not happening, you’re not actually frineds. Just casual acquaintences. This is what’s happening to me. Everyone I thought was my friend is just my acquaintence apparently. I do all kinds of things for them. Not only the material things like latting them crash at my place, but listening to everything they’re going through, helping them get a handle on thier life with job interview advice, etc. The people on this site seem to think I’m being selfish by expecting my friends to BE FRIENDS.  Trust me, if I didn’t know these people, I’d be happy to let them crash on my couch for a night and never see them again hoping they’ve found their way. But I do know them. I know things about them no one else knows. I, for whatever reason, have become that one person that you go to when you have a problem. I don’t judge, I help in whatever way I can-if only to point them in the right direction, and I keep my mouth shut. The problem with all of this is that, when I have a problem and i need to talk to someone, all of my supposed friends just brush me off. I always have to be the strong one. The shoulder to cry on. The fearless knight come to save the day. I wish someone would be strong for me. Would let me cry on their shoulder and give me a bit of comfort. That’s what I want. I want a friend who can be strong for me when I am weak-I’m only human after all. I can’t be strong all the time. Am I selfish for wanting that?
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Would you be able to accept that? Being weak…receiving comfort from another? I understand you want a shoulder to cry on…but could you? Just curious. I understand what you mean in theory though. One time I asked my mom why? Why when one of my siblings has a sore throat…she’s over there with lozenges and popsicles and cleaning their kitchens…when I could have pneumonia…working two jobs…taking care of two babies…and I get no help whatsoever. She told me it was because I was the strong one. Ayup. Turns out…they asked for help…expected it even…but I was too proud to ask…to uncomfortable to receive…and so I struggled…alone. That was many years ago but it still holds true today. When I came here to SP last year…I didn’t even know how to ask for help…and they helped me anyway. I guess what I’m saying is…you have to learn to ask for help…and yet EXPECT none. Some of my dearest friends today were there for me when I finally cried out for help 10 years ago…while all my ordinary friends…some friends for over 30 years…walked away from me. Sometimes my help came from the most unexpected people and places. When I asked one kind soul why she helped me…she said “Because you asked.” Now I’m getting all weepy…sniff. Nothing wrong with being the strong one…but when you need help…don’t be afraid…learn to ask for it…and learn how to accept it.
Peace
Amakua