I believe that everyone has their chance at hope, and when you’ve tried several times to hope and pray someone or something would be good in your life it falls, it gets crushed, or taken from you. its hard to believe that someone like me, a well brought up bubbly happy good grade getting girl who has all her family their if she wants it would have these thoughts, what you call suicidal thoughts for the past few hours i’ve been picturing ways to end this life i so live. And my story isnt because of parent abuse, loss of people to lean on or anything around their, im simply fed up with this life thats supposed to get better I’ve been waiting all my life for something to get better and as soon as something makes me happy fills my heart it get crushed thrown away and broken, my heart is simply ended up to be a quarter of what it was, i remember when i was small everyone would say that i had the biggest heart and i did, but it slowly fell, when i was four my parents were devorced, my dad tried to want us at first but ended up not caring so much, afterwards i got a step dad a wonderful man at that, and my cousin decides to press fals charges and get him into prison yeah some experience when your about 8 or 9 i got taken from my mom by CPS for about a week, there i cried myself to sleep every night, i suffered as a kid without a dad, and when things finally settle down the only grandpa i had left gets diagnosed with pancriotic cancer and passes away, i cried my eyes out for days, in between step dad and grandpa was when i resulted to cutting. 2 years of cutting before i realize im doing this for no reason. /: i stop and am successful at it , i have my first love awhile after and am extremely happy and well another guy decides to interfear, and drag my love away from me, i get brain washed into loving this boy, and he plays around for a couple months before actually dating me, when he dose he cheats on me. i give up then and start cutting again a little here and there, i find myself not trusting people when i meet the nicest person i ever met, bad situation hes long distance, i end up going out with him and getting broken again. My real dad comes into picture again when he gets thrown in jail almost every month and everyone loses love and hope for him, and i feel im the only one here for him )’: 14years and the most pressure. Josh was the one person that didnt just feel like a crush, that didnt just tell me it would be okay, he was the one that made me crazy, made me angry, sooo happy, and so in love, my longest relationship, but he happens to be a million miles away. (exaggerated of course.) we work through everything when he decides he rathe be alone and he dosnt deserve anything not love not family not anything, now this guy wouldnt hurt him self and to hell if hed let me hurt myself even by pinching, i’ve done all that i could for this guy, i’ve tried to get a job,to save money, get good grades so i can leave my own family to make him happy, suffered through his anger issues the yelling the name calling the argueing and i begged i prayed i weaped, and it did nothing, i gave up, it hurts like hell, today was my first day since i started dating him, that i didnt even text him, type him call him, im dieing to hear his soft voice but i know i shouldnt.. Now im not wanting to kill myself over this guy, that would be stupid, im wanting this from all the last hope, the stories i shared, were some of the major, things i’ve had other issues… if you think my storie isnt worth it i’d understand it, if you try to convince me that i have no right to be upset with my life thats rude.. this is what i’ve been through as a young girl and it’s torn me terribly, and im sick of it… I forgot to mention being teased in elementary school. and The fact that i can’t keep a bestfriend for the life of me, i lose the one that i have every year..right now i have no one, wich is why im here typing…im done sobbing, excuse me. /: thanks for reading if you did.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
1 comment
“In a world of inhumane reality, it is the only humane sanctuary left.
That is dream” ~ Paprika (a 2006 sci-fi anime)
Reality is fucking harsh.
We, as pure normal human beings, would certainly want to get better in Life, and always seem to have HOPE (without Hope, we might as well not live, ‘cuz we would just be simply *existing*, a madness soulless shell indeed!).
But ‘unfortunately’ (though this word itself is arguable), REALITY just simply IS. It’s harsh, ‘cold’, in the context that it simply doesn’t *care* much of whether we will cry, or wail, or scream our voices to the sky,..Reality will simply be just IS,…that is unless if *WE* ourselves decide to CHANGE: change our mindset, change our circumstances as best as we could, rather than just doing nothing and weeping our eyes until it is dry. Although *that* latter itself is also certainly a Choice (“Life is always about choice”, that’s what they said, and looking in the right context, it’s true). The other choice is simply, just to end it all.
Maybe it’s true and even *healthy* to simply think that: we, humans, are simply just a species that’s just *starting* to understand things,. And many fields of study, including Psychology, is still in its infancy, that we hope as we are maturing as a species, there would hopefully be a Solution (whatever form that would be) in the near future (or far future) for all the complicated problems in us humans.
As far as I know, for now, it’s true that we as humans are sometimes too often just way too fucked-up, bordering to insane behavior. Hence the excellent anime/movie quote I’ve mentioned above.
In the mean time, there seems to be no other way it seems, ‘unfortunately’,…it’s either we keep moving on (& connecting with other like-minded individuals/souls ALWAYS helps. We humans are social beings in nature, after all), or we constantly weep and mourn in hoping for some kind of *miracles* to happen (but don’t count on it too much, I would advise, based on my own experiences & observations), or we just end it all but if possible, end it in such a ‘GLORY’, so Humanity could hopefully LEARN from our case.
One could always hope. That’s called being HUMAN.