Hi all, my name is Jennifer and I want to share my story with you. It is Thanksgiving day as you all know it, but I have been crying non-stop in my room. I am just so angry with this world. I feel as if nobody is helping me or at least making an effort to.
It all started in middle school. My best friend died from cancer, and everything just went down hill from there. I was super quiet in middle school and tall, so I was a target. There was this one guy who I will never forget. He would throw quarters at me during class, spit on my chair, stalk me around the hallways, laugh with his friends, write me horrible notes, etc. He was such a jerk. His friends went along with it, so that didn’t help.
I am 23 years old and can’t let go of that past. Plus I was engaged and the guy just met someone else and left me without even letting me know it was over, I had to find out from myspace. How lame is that?
I have absolutely no self-esteem. I hate myself with a passion. I would do anything for lipo, breast implants, nose job etc.
Recently there’s this guy that texts me mainly as a booty call, he is the only guy I have in my phone. I am so lonely, so I just use that to my advantage. He is a very good looking guy, and I just feel as if he’s all I can get.
Well, I haven’t heard from him for quite awhile, so inside I am losing it. I am taking medication for depression, but it’s just not doing what I want it to. I take melatonin every night to keep my mind off things.
I really need help. I’m a mess. I feel as if everybody is talking bad behind my back, yes, I have a paranoia problem because of my low self-esteem. Can anybody relate to this?
3 comments
I wish I could do something for you.
But perhaps, there is someone, someone out there, just maybe, someone who cares a little about you.
Just maybe.
Give me an email if you can sometime.
It’s brl.cents@gmail.com
I’m a bit younger than you, that I will say, but I still care.
Yeah I get that paranoia thing too. I was bullied when I was young as well and that’s kind of when I started feeling incredibly self-conscious about how I thought people would judge me or talk about me when I couldn’t hear them. For example,for the longest time I hated sitting alone because I felt people would instantly know I had no friends or whatever. I don’t think like that anymore but it became a habit and I still do it subconsciously all the time and base my actions, no matter how insignificant, on how they may be perceived by others.
Haha yeah well I’m 22 and never even been in a relationship so don’t feel too bad :p Somehow, no one knows this about me which is kind of a good thing.
But that lonely feeling really sucks. I’ve been in a lot of physical pain in my life and except for a couple of things, loneliness and chronic low self-esteem when coupled with depression is probably worse then most of what I’ve experienced. Unfortunately it’s something that’s really hard for people who haven’t been there to understand.
PS I just saw your most recent post, taking all those pills most likely wont kill you but they could make you really sick so please don’t do it.
Hey Jenn,
I’m not sure what to tell you. Read your story, and just wanted to comment and give you some company. I’m constantly suffering from loneliness due to an unfortunate event in my life. Just discovered this website. Not sure if I’ll stick around or not but hey if I can help or support one person somewhere then it’s worth my time… anyways, you can always hit me up if you need a pen pal. take care. oh btw, I find tall girls attractive and lots of people do to 🙂