hello again

so its been a while since i have last posted here.
i have all my exams this week, but they finish tomorrow, thank god and then im done with this year of school!
in all honesty though, i have gotten worse from the time of my last post.
as previously said, i told some friends and they made me go to the school counsellor who then told my dad, who then had to tell my mother.. then my sisters found out… and i never wanted any of it to happen!
then my mother saw my cuts, she told my dad.
my mother has stopped being such a cow. since she knows it’s affecting me so much.
the sent me to a psychologist and psychiatrist… the first one says i should work on my relationship with my mother… no.
and then the second one is saying that as well, but also confirming that i have depression, am suicidal, anxiety issues, and edging onto some sort of personality disorder as well as thinking i may either have ADD, or its just the depression.
im also on medication, just today.
the way it works is that for the first 3/4 weeks your on them you feel worse than ever, the thoughts come on hard and strong you get urges for self harm and suicide, loose the want for communication and appetite for a while, but apparently, after that you become happier, it works with 99/100 people…
but what if i am that 1? and it doesnt work? then im fucked, basically….
i just wish i would have never told anyone from the beginning.
i dont feel any different, at all. as i said, if anything im feeling worse and worse, and i hate it, so much.