SO, yesterday i went to school, i am in 7th grade so i am in middle school. At school me and my two friends Reina and Kiana tried the butterfly project, so i have 4 butterflys on my thigh and palm. ANyways after we did that and went to lunch, this big “popular” 8th grader sits on the table me and my friends were sitting at with his friends. And starts making fun of cutters. Me and my friends wouldn`tt stand for it so we told him off about how disrespectful and hateful that is, then we told how nobody really likes him, cuz it`s true. Then he had the nerve to go and say to his “friends” while we were walking away “Emo Children”. That comment stung. HARD. But i acted as if it didn`t. But really it hurt, he doesn`t know what me and my friends go through. Here`s the thing. Kiana doesn`t eat, and if me and Reina didn`t force her to eat, than she could be dead from being anerexic. Reina, she used to do drugs and drink alchohal, and still would be if we didn`t beg her to stop. And me? I have such a low self-esteem that i break down and cry if you yell one little thing at me. It could even be yelling at me about your toys, and i will cry because that is how worthless i feel.
On Thanksgiving, that was the last time I have cut, might do it again soon. I did it on Thankgiving, because I can`t cook. My mom was stressing about how she can`t cook it all by herself and asked me too help. But because i can bake not cook, i messed some stuff up. She yelled at me about being worthless, and sickening, and how I wouldn`t make a good wife, o i cried then i went to my room and cut my leg, with my wire bracelets. I feel like i need to leave and just disappear. I hate myself with passion, and i have a fake mask on with everyone except for Reina and Kiana. But i think my mask is begining to break. It`s a suprise how not even my family has realized the mask, even until now.Â
Sorry if you thought my rant was a waste of time. But i just needed to vent off…………………..
6 comments
Have you heard of the Indigo children? Look it up online; it will make you feel less alone. I’m twenty-nine years old, and I first heard about the Indigos when I was only a little older than you are now. You are a special, sensitive young woman, and your differences make you beautiful, not worthless.
Here’s a good article. Read it, please!
http://www.in5d.com/indigo-doreen-virtue-interview.html
i know how you feel
Anything your mom says to you is all about her so don’t take it on as truth as hurtful as it might feel in the moment. You live & breathe for you. You might want to look up Highly Sensitive People. Sensitivity is challenging to navigate but in the long run a tremendous strength. Good luck.
don’t lose your friends keep em close it’s realy nice to have friends like yourself i never had any friends that realy understands me and i probably never will because now i live in northen ireland and you probably know how everybody goes about god here and everyone is good litlle children and on an on an on
Also you can call Childhelp’s national hotline anytime you need for advice, counseling and help. You can remain anonymous. Their number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). No one has the right to abuse you, verbally or otherwise, and there are many people who can and will help you.
Will my mom find out?