I’m a 3.3 gpa student in High School, 17 years old living in the USA. I am in 2 AP classes (Physics B and Economics). I have a horrible family life also. I’m a very idiotic, messed up person so bear with me please.
I’m tired of life, I know it could be worse but I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of living as a certain race. I wish I was born Asian or White… (Mostly Asian) My race is not respected in human society because most of my race does not know how to act like normal human beings. I wont say what race I am out of respect for people who like being that certain race. :p I’m only 17… I have felt this way since I was 8 years old. I have tried telling a friend of mine how I feel (And I don’t have many friends due to my social anxiety/clinical depression problems), she is half Dutch and half Korean… She laughed at my problem as if it were a joke. I envy her race, being born inferior sucks. I was going to kill myself on that day, however, my mother came home early so I couldn’t do anything. 🙁 I thought that being born a race didn’t matter in life for education purposes, finding a job, dating… (than again I was born ugly so I don’t think this would matter anyway). Then, reality came to me and it does matter. :/ People just don’t realize it or are blinded by the stereotypical “we are all one nation under many cultures” :p (I live in the USA). I wish it were true but as long as humanity associates ourselves with race, racism itself cannot end. Race cannot change for a person, it is set once you are born, therefore I cannot ever become happy. I also hate my mom because she brought me into this world. I never asked for a life like this, It would be better if someone else had it or if I were dead.
I have tried to see a psychologist about this, however, she thought of it as a joke rather than a serious problem. I didn’t tell her I’m suicidal about it though. :p So what is a painless way to die? I’m better off dead for society regardless. Since I will never feel better about myself due to not being able to changing my race. I don’t want to do any bleaching or surgery stuff either… It’s just weird and meh… :/ so please don’t mention it. I feel like crying just typing this. ;p
9 comments
I don’t think race is the primary concern here. I think it’s kinda become a scapegoat for you. I wont lie, people are naturally racist, and I’m sure you’ve had bad experiences due to other peoples perceptions, but that’s their fault, not yours, or your races, or your mothers.
We will help you, Alone, we will help you get through all this. Talk to us. If no one wants to be your friend, then fine. We will hog you all to ourselves! If no one wants to listen to your stories, WE WILL! We will love you here!
Many people on here have been bullied because of something they were born as or with. I, personally, was ridiculed because of my red hair. Where I come from, it’s not that common to have red hair. Also, I was a really shy person, so I kept mostly to myself.
But I got over my initial depression. I started taking small walks in the park, picking flowers and swinging on swing sets. Then next, started jogging. Gradually it started helping with my depression. It’s a scientific fact that exercising helps! Try it! 🙂
Hello Alone,
Touchy subject that whole race issue. Hmmm…I have a daughter that is bi-racial in a small town in Canada. She has dealt with bullying her entire school career…and recently I had to take issue with the school board and change policy once again. Last year I made them change their no headwear policy…and accused them of targeting my daughter specifically as a member of an obvious minority in the student body. How can you hate an entire race…especially your own?
I remember when my daughter was younger…she had been dealing with racist bullying and I was trying to console her. She told me not to worry about it…that very soon people like her were going to be the majority…and she was probably right. Racism is a holdover from a time when we were not globally connected…when you could go your whole life and not meet some one of a different race…and humans are slow to change…but we are changing…just not quickly enough for folks like my daughter and yourself.
There is such a thing as overidentifying yourself with your race, ethnicity etc. This is not to belittle your feelings…just a wish for the future of the species. What else are you besides as you say “dark”? Because this will change as you get older…adults are not “quite” as mean as kids…but you need to be proud of you…of who and what you are. We are all given challenges in life…you can accept them and get stronger…or you can wail about it…change nothing…and be miserable.
I dunno…my daughter says sometimes I can be quite ignorant…and I admit this readily…because being ignorant means I don’t know…not that I don’t care. And how do we learn but by asking questions and having conversations?
Just really wanted to let you know that I’m here to talk or listen
Stay Strong
Peace
Amakua
I don’t think race is your problem.
You have me baffled? but anyways we are what we are, I’m not rich I’m poor, I’m not tall I’m short, I’m not from this country I’m from another country, we all have our crosses we must bear, look around you and elsewhere other people have it worse than you. You have a computer some people don’t even have one and live in mud huts.
Being Asian isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There’s so much pressure at my school to be smart and get good grades because Asians are supposed to be smart. I have glasses, and people used to bully me and tease me because I’m a stereotypical Asian girl with slanted eyes and glasses. I went overseas to Spain, and a woman I sat next to during mass at a church called me a “chink” and pulled at the corners of her eyes to indicate that I have small eyes.
How funny, Sinine. Red hair is my favorite! Goes to show that picking on people for something like this has nothing to do with that person’s worth. Maybe they were jealous of your red hair. Assholes.
AloneXP: Sorry the psychologist you visited didn’t take your situation seriously. Not all of them have good training in multicultural issues. I have an Asian friend who found a good therapist who knew how to counsel with him on these very things. But trying to find a better psychologist doesn’t seem to be what you’re needing at the very moment.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Though I’m new here, I see it’s a good place to come for support. We definitely try to bear with you in your hardship. You mentioned feeling like crying while typing your post…I hope you were able to. It can be a good release to do so.
rocketman: I agree that if we look around, we’ll see that many have it worse, and that it’s a good practice that gives us perspective on our circumstances. I also think it works better for those who are just whining/complaining but who are not necessarily suffering. I’ve found that when I’m going through deep hardship, looking at those who have it worse than I do can sometimes become a kind of denial or suppression of my own feelings in those moments. I can’t deal with my issues by distracting myself away from them. But, as soon as I can get over a hump, it helps to look at those around me.
Thanks for the comments.
Sorry I did not reply sooner, I have been sleeping alot the past few days because I have been very depressed.
I still feel the same way I did before reading these comments. I don’t have anyone IRL to talk to this about and not feel ashamed about it. No one understands how I feel so they thinks it’s just a freaking joke. :'( Even my dad said that it was a mistake marrying a (half of my race) person, because I will not compare to my brother in life (he is full of my other half of my race), that I am destined to fail at everything. I feel like killing myself. I think I will force myself to go to sleep through Tyronel (just so I can sleep not kill myself) :p