I made the user name tonight only because this is exactly as long as I plan my miserable existance to last No mor sugar coating something that should of been taking care ago a long time ago. Â When I was 21 I met a man who promised to take care of me and all he did over ten years was beat the living snot out of me and make me face the pathetic truth of my life I am nothing. Â I escaped and have been happy for 11 years but the lurking doubt is always there, tonight when I needed friends and family since I have moved 1500 miles away I get nothing….I am now that lost regulated obligatory person you have to speak to. Â I am only 44 but feel years older I am so sick of it all…. when I was 23 on thanksgiving eve when I cut my wrist with a box cutter why did the mofo who beat me for 10 years let me bleed out??? I am tired and no not alone and with someone I love, I have had enough….I have juiced myself up enough tonight 3 glasses of wine , 5 shots and 1 going on 2 beers..I know I have no fear of blood so should I cut down? Â But I hate to leave the mess, my kitty is sitting on my head right now and I do not want to let another animal down..just going to have to figure this crap out….thinking the quickest way is taking a walk up the street to the train station and just stepping out…God please save my soul…I am So Sorry
4 comments
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve endured so many years of abuse, but you said that the last 11 years have been happy. What happened recently which changed that? You said that you learned that you’re “nothing”. That’s got to be nonsense. If that’s something that guy beat into your head then you can get it out.
I can’t stop you from ending your life, but the two methods you mentioned are both bad. Cutting is extremely painful and you’d need to lose more than a pint of blood before you died which would take a very long time. Getting hit by a train doesn’t mean you’ll die, and it also carries the possibility of tramautizing innocent people.
Maybe you should go to bed and sober up. Then talk to us tomorrow.
I feel just like you! It’s so strange because my pet cat would make me think twice too. It’s fucked up aint it. I don’t care about what it’d do to people because I can just leave the people that care a suicide note…one letting them know I’m happy I’m ending my life and that it has nothing to do with them but an animal can’t fucking read haha! If you want to commit suicide then I totally respect your decision because I’m serious too. Just feel I can’t bare another moment in this fucked up world.
This is world IS so f ed up isnt it? So many a**backwards things. Peace, i hear ya, i stay for my doggie. She wouldnt understand, she needs me. No one would take the kind of care of her that i would. I feel closer to my dog than anypeople. except she doesnt talk, she isnt a human. I agree with scar tonightonly, i replied to this post because i am also 44. Dont step in front of a train please, my sister was hit and killed by a train, in her car, and it has totally traumatized me and a lot of people. I hope you feel better!
You too! Things sometimes are better in the morning. Drink water before sleep. Night x