death isnt that bad, is it?

im so depressed. i know i am, and i know i need help, but if i go for help the will admit me because im so messed up.. ive tried so hard to be happy and i just dont know how to anymore.. drinking makes it worse, drugs i cant go back to because so many people are watching me so that i dont and cutting dosent help.. i just want to be happy and it seems like i cant anymore… i really want to just hop off of a bridge but i know that i would hurt a lot of people if i did… i want to feel numb again, i want someone to love me but no one will, theres no point in trying anymore. i just want to end it all..