I wont , I cant, I promised!….I wont cut again. I dont know why i held on to my blade after i had promised i wouldnt cut again. I cant stand it. I’m always alone at school. I can’t stop thinking about my dark past. It clouds my mind, the present with pain. I cant stay focused on the present because the present is dark and lonely. I have the blade in my hand constantly at school. Yet i somehow resist the temptation. But i feel like i will soon break again.
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I sadly know this feeling all to commonly.. I keep my razor on my necklace.. close to my heart.. if you know what i mean. Its become such a part of me. I always have it on me .. or otherwise i just dont feel safe. Everything scares me.. that i wont be able to handle it. My razor helps me get back on my feet. The release takes what would have taken a couple days to get over less the 20 minutes. I’ve promised not to cut again to.. i went 8 months and i broke. I felt so worthless why couldnt i keep a god DAMN promise. I’ve stopped making promises since then. I cant keep them so why give others so much hope.. Why i have none myself. But please stay strong. Go longer even if its only for a couple of hours. Minutes more. You’ll grow stronger then focus on beating your last time. And the next.. and the next. Till one day you dont have to hold your razor. When you dont have to think about your dark past anymore. I hope that day comes for the both of us.