I have a husband and daughter who love me very much. My doctor tells me that if I kill myself, they will never get over it. For their sakes, I am still here. I fail at everything I do. I can’t keep a job, because I can’t handle the stress. There are two people on this whole planet who care about what happens to me. Nobody else cares. And now I have to find another job. How do I tell a prospective employer that I’m Bipolar and have PTSD and that I will be a really good, hardworking employee until some life event sets me back and I spiral downward? I see how people look at me. Get over it. Move on. Move forward. When do I get to stop trying? When will the people who love me see that this world would be better off without me? How can I make them see that I will never amount to anything? How pathetic am I? When do I get to stop trying?
5 comments
Elle, you just described ME! I can’t work because of my depression and anxiety. Thankfully I’m on disability for it. Do you see a doctor? Are you on meds?
You have a daughter that needs you and i garantee your a great wife and mother so you are good at something. Finding a job is really hard but give it time it might come around when you least expect it
Stay positive and i hope the best 🙂
Oh yea, and because you have a daughter, you never give up. NEVER. You learn to cope and live life for your daughter. Don’t take that away from her. Just like me. Honestly, I secretly wish for death, but my son keeps me alive. I could never kill his mother. I would die all over again and again and again living his pain.
My aunt ended her life by carbon monoxide almost 10 years ago. She left behind her two young daughters. They have never gotten over it. Your daughter, my daughter and son, blackhole’s son, will never get over it. They will have questions following them for the rest of their lives. Why wasn’t I enough for mommy to stay? Did I cause her sadness, her stress? But our children should not be the sole reason we choose to stay. For the sake of ourselves, because we should matter, (we do matter damn it!) we must find another purpose, another reason to live whatever that is!
Peace to you Elle. I know these feelings well. I have a lump in my throat just typing about it. Peace to you tonight Elle.
Elle there are more than 2 people who care. That I promise. I care. I’m also manic depressive, and it can be hell on earth, this I know. But you do have a reason to go on, you have a family, be grateful for that. I know so many men who want a family and don’t have that opportunity. You WILL find a job and you WILL be a good employee. Continue to take your meds and visit your doctors. With hope you WILL find true happiness I PROMISE!!