Tired of pretending that i’m happy.

For years of my life, I have put a smile on my face and told myself that I’m happy. A few months ago I got used by a boy that I thought I truly loved and foolishly believed he loved me too. Truth is he cheated with one of my best friends and a few weeks later had a girlfriend. I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I get called a fat slut, whore, slag all the time. At first I just thought people were joking and it didn’t hurt me. But people never stop. I am so alone. I can’t tell family or my friend how I feel because it seems like I’m attention seeking and I find it so hard to tell people how I feel. It seems like my life is just getting worse and worse. And it seems as if boys just use me for sex when I’m drunk and then say I make them feel sick when they’re done with me. What I hate the most is myself for always letting people use me. And I only do it because during those few minutes of stupidy, I feel wanted and I feel like people care. But they don’t. I want to let go now. I’m just too tired to carry on.