Uh.. Hey..
So I guess we have to start from the beginning  right?… well, I was brought to this world on February 8 2000. Im  bout to be  in this world for 13 years now. It doesn’t seem  like a very long time, but for me it has been like hell. I’m not your typical 13 year old girl, I have been in places.. Times.. That you couldn’t imagine for a 13 year old. So this is my little story. Or at least half of it so far… I was brought to this world by a 15 year old girl and a 16 year old boy. When I was finally born, my mother didn’t want me.. She thought I had ruined her life, and I actually believe her too. If it was for me she would still be with my dad. I have ruined her life since then. I didn’t live with her, I would only go for visits. My dad on the other hand loves me. He toke care of me and still does. I eventually went to live with my so called mother for about 3 years, I was 3, the place where she lived was for drug addicts, I had no clean clothes nor food to eat. We didn’t have a place to sleep until she found her abusive new boyfriend, he toke us in. In those 3 year that I was stuck in that hell, I had also learned. I eventually knew how to steal from people’s wallets, purses, pockets, you name it. I had no choice, my mother would leave me with the lesbian.. I had to sleep with her at night, she was a 14 year old, she actually never hurt me, she was nice and toke care of me when she could. When I was 2 my mother used to give my something, I cant really explain what it was because I really don’t know what it was. She would just tell me to eat it.. And so I did as I was told.. In those times, my ‘mothers’ boyfriend abused her.. He would hit her in front of me, he would rape her in front of me.. It was a nightmare everyday.. After that she send me back with my dads family. They would take care of me, and still  do .. After that I began school, in school I was the freak. At the age of  6 I was making girls kiss each other, and I would do the same.. It was, you can call it, our little game. I began to notice that I wasn’t like that, that that girl wasn’t me.. So I stopped. I then moved to California. A new life by the age of 8. I had changed.. I wasn’t that innocent little girl my real family used to knowI in those years that I was with my mother, those years changed my life. Changed me. I kept stealing until the age of 10, when I was cought  Stealing more than 200 hundred dollars at school. Since it was my first mistake in school, my record reminds clean. That was in 4th grade, that year I started with my self-harm, my depression.  I became more sad, more stressed by the minute. I had stress over everything and I still do. I became addicted to self-harming, i now cut every single night. Hoping my days in this world will end with those deep cuts. I have tried to committee suicide more than 7 times.. But I always end up fucking waking up!! Why!?! Why does he just let me! I’m sick of it!… In 5th grade I fell for this guy.. I liked him since 4 grade actually, but in 5 grade was when I started loving him? I love him. May 15 2012 he asked me out. Happiest day of my life!.. Anyways, elementary ended. I was glad.. I have always been bullied, I still am. So summer went by, and that’s when I met Ana. My new best friend. I stopped eating, I have stopped eating. I’m 5’7 and went from a healthy 118lb to 90lb, in just those months.. I have now been more stressed then ever. With school on my mind, my new alcoholic dad. He become Alcoholic when my brothers mom left.. I have so much more to tell.. But for now this is it. I just have to hang in there.. Until then,
Your not so perfect little girl..
2 comments
To xxroseisdeadxx,
I am just under a year older than you. I haven’t had any real life changing problems like you so I am not the greatest help. The best thing is to hang on. Pick a date in the future, in a few months or even a year. Hold on till then and if your life has Gotten better, even if it is only by a little, pick a new date. I have been doing this ever since I have been suicidal, so about two years. It helps me keep going as there is date where you can rethink about all the pros and cons of that period. It might not help you but it is just my advice.
Isabella
Thank you for taking your time to even read my story. Just that I appreciate it. I will try your way of hanging on, and hopefully it’ll work. I’m sorry that your suicidal, I have so been most of my miserable life… Anyways, I wish you the best, and once again.. Thank you. For being there, to read, and listen.
~ Rose..