alone, depressed and worthless

im 29 with 3 kids. I have never felt so depressed in my life. I have always suffered from depression and anxiety since i can remember. but right now it’s at its worst and i cant control it. my husband is leaving me because he says im too fat. my work isnt going how i would like it to. i find myself alone with no one to talk to because i dont tell anyone my business so no one knows whats going on. i just dont wanna live anymore. i want to go to sleep and never wake up. but i have 3 kids and theyre the only ones who keep me living. if something happens to me, im afraid no one will raise them and love them like i do. i want help i dont wanna live like this anymore. ive tried doctors but dont seem to be getting any better. and im afraid if i tell them everything how im feeling they would find me unfit and take my children away. my husband was my only friend i can tell anything to. the only one that would be here for me but it all changed and i have no one else. its really difficult trying to cope with all this. sometimes i look out my window and just think to jump. my family is a hot mess and i try to stay as far away from them as possible. theyre filled with negativity and always look at me as the odd one out. i dont know why im on here. just  venting i guess. looking for support in other  places. idk.