Dead Tired…

I am at a loss of words for the lost hope in this world. I’ve contemplated many times to end it all and be one with the earth again but even then, I just cannot pull the trigger. I bear the pain left behind but also bear the pain of still being here. That makes me so emotionally drained that I am so exhausted in this world, I don’t want to do anything else, even to end my existence. I’m told by my spouse that I’m just intentionally being an @-hole. If I could only prove one or the other but I cannot even do that. I just let my heart get ripped out of me time and time again killing me beyond a cat’s 9 lives. Yet I hang on to what may be a glimmer of hope only to be disappointed again. I am neither dead nor am I really living. I’m sure dead tired of this life stuck in limbo not having a future or much of a past. I thought my life would amount to something decent but at this point, I don’t think I’ll get anywhere no matter how hard I try. I just think it’s time to end this. Maybe the Apocalypse is still under way. Now that’s wishful thinking.