LOVIN’ LIFE…NOT

i feel so pathetic. i was over it.

i liked the same guy for two years he knew it too. first year… okay whatever we were friends. second year i had to get a schedule change and we ended up having every class together. we were close. he drove me home three days a week. we had every extra cirricular together. we always wrote on the same questions in LA. we went to bible study together. band. AP english. musical theatre… yeah musical theatre. that was where he told me. right after our fifth (out of 6) show. he wouldn’t just tell me though he let it slip in conversation to the guy next to me. HE DIDN’T HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME! he was dating someone else. she’s beautiful. they’re still together. i was totally cool about it… mostly.
i mean i was the drunkest one at the cast party. and i did cut myself over it. but it wasn’t big. i didn’t ***** at him.
we’re still friends. actually we’re better friends now.

i finally realized that i had been acting different around him for two years trying to get him to like me. ha! fuck.

now this year, by some fucked up freak accident (thanks a bunch admin) we’re in all the same classes again.
but im myself around him. we get along great.
honestly him dating HER was the best thing that ever happened for our friendship.

but no i just couldn’t get over him. I fucking love the guy.
its not like he’s just gonna go away. i can’t just be like…
“so yeah i like love you man hope thats not awkward with your gf or anything… even though she pretty much already is a little intimidated by me” … (BTW i’m actually surprisingly nice to her). and i was totally over him.

but now everythings coming back again. and im like fuck! i really don’t want to replay the last two years of my life.