Hello. I have posted one other time. It was about my family and, if you want , you can read that too. Today, this is about my friends. Despite being a victim at home, I have flourished in my high school years. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances there. About two years ago, I had a severe head injury that my family and friends thought I would never be the same from. What I mean is that I was mentally and physically impaired by this accident and they thought I wouldn’t walk away without my sanity taken. Well, surprisingly (to my doctors, family, and friends) after about half of a year I was almost back to my regular self. I still have a nice lump of scar tissue on my head, a bunch of scars and constant head aches in my scar tissue, but the important things is that I turned out alright in the end. But now… I just don’t know. My friends and I joke and things like that and I know its innocent fun.
Still, it hurts me so much when they say I’m retarded or I’m stupid. I hate it. It also hurts me when they say I’m ugly. I didn’t receive any scars to my face, but I did lose a large portion of my hair because of the accident. Eventually, I regained my hair so I just go on like everything’s normal. They constantly joke about me. It hurts me so much, but I’m afraid to confront them.
Because I’m not Retarded and I am not Stupid and I am definitely not ugly. Or at least I don’t think I am and that’s all that matters. I keep telling myself that, but its just so hard to believe with someone constantly reminding you of things you don’t want to remember.
I really hate myself. I’m such a fake person. I smile at everyone. I pretend its okay to say those things to me and hate that I put myself in that position. I just don’t want to lose the people I grew up with and the people that know what my home life is like.
Thanks for letting me rant.
-onetwo