I was browsing around a nd i found this site. maybe itll help me. i have hopefully kept myself as anonymous as possible to tell my story. I cant talk to my friends or family cuz they either think im crazy or just looking for attention. sometimes i agree with them.
It started when i was 5. my great grandfather molested me for about a year before it stopped. he has been dead now for 2 years. It didnt come out to my family until late last year. When i was 8 an important someone in my life molested me until i was 9 when he moved on to rape. He videotaped me. he made bargains with me. He gave me everything i asked for with that in return. It was like living a secret life yet my insides were torn inside out. It finally stopped when i was fifteen. my mother has always chose her men over me. my brothers came first. her husband came first. her second husband came first. her friends came first. I was always a bother in the back of her mind because i had the “perfect father” who did everything i asked….at a price. I have little doubt she doesnt love me but growing up like her i wouldn show women much affection either. My biological father loved me until he got a girlfriend and they had kids. He raised all them without me in the picture. i have 1 friend that has never hurt me and i feel it coming soon. Ill lose everything. all of this is no where near all the other things i have encountered. What was done to me was wrong but i feel like a whore nonetheless. I never said no. I didnt know how to. Im worthless. everyone has told me and everyday i believe them more and more. I do stupid things to get a small rush. do things with boys for a few minutes of love and then ***** when i get hurt but i know its coming. How im still alive proves how strong i am. but i feel it slipping. Everyday is a new way i can finish it. how i can end all of it. But in the end im still a worthless, useless, disgusting scaredy-cat. Im so tired of being scared tho. It might happen tonight. Im still deciding
5 comments
Please don’t do it. I know those words don’t mean anything to you, and I am just some stranger writing you. My name is Natalie and i’m 18. I have been through a lot in my life too. Granted, I have never had to endure what you went through. Compared to that my troubles seem insignificant. But, trust me. Even you have to know and believe that it can turn around. You are still young. You still have so much life to live. Just wait until you are fully on your own. Maybe you need to move. Go out of state. Start a fresh life and try to forget your past. Just let it go. Realize that there is so much out there for you. Make new friends. Escape. Not life, but THAT life. Please write me back. Let me know if you want my email. I can write you, and talk to you about anything you want or need. Once again. You ARE worth this stupid fucked up life we live in. You can be someone. Just trust your gut. Its worth it in the long run.
its nice to meet you. If i could run away i would but im only 17 and im still in school. im going to have to get through it if i want my children to have a good life. Its really very nice of you to try to reach out to me. and all problems are problems and they all hurt the same. Your issues could never be considered insignificant especially not to me. i would love to have your email adress and i will give you mine
Sweetrevenge,
I am so angry reading your post, to think that your childhood has been stolen away from u by people that u were taught to love and respect!
You are not a whore or dirty and disgusting and certianly not worthless, u didn’t say no becaue u were a child! No child should ever have to endure what u have.
It is obvious u can’t go to your family because even though they are aware of what happened to u they are saying u are looking for attention!!!!
I would suggest honey that u find a good therapist coz if u move away you still can’t escape all that has been done to u. No one should expect u to try and deal with all of this by yourself .
actually i have a therapist and im currently medicated but i dont really help much im normally pretty distant. its sad to say its easier to talk to strangers then someone ive been divulging my secrets into for a year. I thank you for your support as well as natalie. i joined this site hoping to find ppl who understand since sadly i dont know any. its kinda pathetic actually how cruel ppl are now a days
Sweetrevenge maybe u and foreverhope can help each other. She sounds a wonderful girl who despite her own troubles is reaching out to u.
I wish the best for both of u XX